It was the fifth bar that I looked in that I found him sitting by himself on a bar stool.
“I wouldn’t talk to him,” said one woman who saw me looking at him. “Not unless you want to hear about how his wife thinks he’s useless and that now she’s got the kids she doesn’t want to know him.”
“I am his wife,” I sighed. “And this is the fifth pub I’ve looked in to find him.”
“He’s got you wrong then, if you didn’t want to know you wouldn’t leave the house to find him,” she said and walked off.
“Hello James,” I said pulling up a bar stool and sitting next to him.
“You still want to sit with your looser of a husband?” he asked trying to get the attention of the man behind the bar.
“You’ve had enough to drink already,” said the bar tender.
“I don’t need you to tell me when I’ve had enough to drink,” he shouted.
“I’ll get the security to tell you if you ask again,” the bar tender replied. “Why don’t you just go home.”
“Because my wife threw me out,” he said glaring at Myrtle.
“I did not throw you out,” said Myrtle. “You walked out on me and the twins.”
“You made it pretty clear that I was a waste of space and you didn’t want me there,” said James. “It isn’t like you dashed out after me is it.”
“You set the babies of crying and then walked out leaving me alone to sort it,” said Myrtle.
“You haven’t left them alone have you?” asked the bar tender.
“No, I got their Nana round to hold the fort whilst I looked for their Father,” said Myrtle.
“I don’t know why you bothered,” said the bar tender and then went to serve another customer.
“You left them with Enid!” he stuttered. “What if they need a nappy or something?”
“I’ve seen her change a nappy, just before I left, quiet impressive, if I say so myself,” said Myrtle. “Also, she’s got a mobile phone, if she starts getting out of her depth she’ll ring.”
“Well, if you think our children are safe with her,” said James.
“You thought they would be earlier on this evening,” Myrtle reminded him.
“Why are you here?” he asked.
“Not to carry on arguing with you,” said Myrtle.
“So why?” he asked again.
“I need you,” Myrtle said.
“Why do you need me, you’ve got the twins, or aren’t two enough for you?” he asked.
“I didn’t marry you to have children, I married you because I love you and I want us to spend the rest of our lives together. I thought you felt the same way,” said Myrtle.
“But I’m useless to you,” said James. “I can’t feed them, I am useless at changing nappies, I can’t stop them crying, they don’t want me.”
“They need you, I need you,” said Myrtle.
“But you are so much better at this than I am. I thought I could do it. I thought I could do the Father bit, but I can’t,” shouted James.
“Could you kindly take this discussion somewhere else,” said the bar tender. “I shall have to call security if you don’t leave now.”
“We aught to go,” said Myrtle.
“You go home, you’re better off without me,” said James.
“I think that is for me to decide,” said Myrtle.
“I can’t help you with the twins, everything I do is wrong,” said James.
“We are new to the job of being parents,” said Myrtle. “It takes a while to get used to this. I thought that all my experience with looking after children of all ages , that I would know what to do, but it’s different when it’s you own child that’s crying.”
“But what if I never get used to it?” shouted James.
“You wont if you don’t try,” said Myrtle.
“My Father never got used to the job,” said James. “He was never around when we needed him.”
“You are not your Father, just as I am not my Mother,” said Myrtle.
“You are not Enid, I’ll agree with that,” said James.
“And you are not your Father,” said Myrtle. “You are our babies Father, it would be very helpful if we could come up with names for them.”
“And what sort of name can we give our son, I can’t think of any flowers that have boys names,” said James.
“There is a grass called Timothy,” said Myrtle. “Anyway, even Mother doesn’t think a flower name is essential. Like she said, there are no flowers called Enid.”
“It’s a big responsibility thinking of a name for someone,” said James.
“We could give them a few names each and they can choose the one they want people to call them by,” Myrtle suggested.
“But what if we get it wrong,” said James.
“If they don’t like what we’ve chosen then they can always change it,” said Myrtle. “But we need to talk about it.”
“There are so many ways in which we could get things wrong,” said James. “I don’t know if I’m up to it.”
“Neither do I, it’s a learning curve,” said Myrtle. “But I think our kids are worth the effort of trying.”
“I want them to have the best,” said James.
“And they want you, for them you are the best,” said Myrtle.
“I wish I believed that,” said James, pausing as the walked.
“We are a team,” said Myrtle. “We work best together.”
“I just don’t know any more,” said James.
“I do,” said Myrtle. “And I need you with me.”
“But,” said James.
“Come home with me,” said Myrtle. “I need you, the twins need you. How this works is something we will work out as we go along.”
“And if I can’t get it right?” asked James.
“There is no saying that you wont get it right, it might take a bit of work, but we are a team and we will do this together,” said Myrtle.
“Don’t you ever doubt yourself?” asked James.
“Frequently,” said Myrtle. “But as a Fairy Godmother I have to project an image of certainty, it’s difficult to drop out of that habit when I come home from work.”
“OK,” said James. “I suppose I’m just afraid of failing.”
“So am I, but I’m going to give it my best shot and with you by my side, I think we can do this,” said Myrtle.
“What will your Mother say?” James asked.
“Nothing if she has any sense,” thought Myrtle.
“We’ll find that out when we get home,” Myrtle replied.
“Have you two come up with any names yet?” asked Myrtle as they walked in through the door.
“Timothy is a possibility,” said James.
“We might go with family names,” said Myrtle.
“Please, not Enid,” said Enid. “I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”
“There could only ever be one Enid,” said Myrtle.
“And not Natasha,” Enid added. “My Mother is conceited enough without naming a baby after her.
“It might be one way of getting her to talk to us,” said James.
“You want her to talk to us!” asked Myrtle. “She hasn’t even accepted that we are married yet.”
“It took her long enough to accept she was a Grandmother,” said Enid.
“How long?” asked James.
“When I told her the babies had been born she said she might get used to being a Grandmother, but only if they were good babies,” said Enid.
“I could always tell her she’s a Great Grandmother,” said Myrtle.
“Only if I am there to see her face,” said Enid.
“Deal,” laughed Myrtle.
“That leaves us with the problem of names,” said James.
“There’s your side of the family,” said Myrtle.
By Janice Nye © 2021
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