The Fairy Godmother Part 121

“My side of the family,” sighed James. “That could prove to be difficult.”

“They can’t possibly be worse than my lot,” said Myrtle.

“Difficult to say,” said James. “They have never been around.”

“Your birth certificate?” asked Myrtle.

“Says unknown for both parents,” said James.

“So you’ve seen it?” asked Myrtle.

“That’s what they told me at the orphanage,” said James.

“So you haven’t actually seen it,” said Myrtle.

“Well, no, there didn’t seem to be much point. How about you?” James asked.

“They told me it had been lost, I think the office caught fire or something,” said Myrtle. “Do you want to look into it?”

“I’m not sure,” said James.

“The alternative is that we choose names we like or friends names,” said Myrtle. “But we do need to choose names soon just so they can go on their birth certificates.”

“I hadn’t thought of that,” said James sighing.

“Let me know when you think of something,” said Enid. “Then we can go tell the Great Grandparents.”

“OK Granny,” said Myrtle.

“Granny! couldn’t you think of something a little less old sounding than that whilst you’re at it,” said Enid, slowly fading away.

“I don’t know which is worse, the slow fade out or the sudden vanish,” said James, staring at the space Enid had been in.

“I think it is the sudden appearance that’s worst,” said Myrtle, as the twins started to cry. “That sounds like a nappy to me,” she added.

“How can you tell?” James asked.

“Something about the tone of the cry, it sort of says yuck, I’ve done something, take it away,” said Myrtle.

“I’m not sure I wanted to know that,” said James as they each picked up a baby. “But I think you are right, something very smelly.”

“If we each do one, they will be happy sooner,” said Myrtle.

“But you are so much better at it than me,” said James.

“The smell will go sooner,” Myrtle added. “Also, you wont improve your nappy skills without practice.”

“OK,” he said not sounding all that sure of it, but getting the changing bag.

An hour later, with the babies cleaned, fed and once more fast asleep they were sitting relaxing on the sofa.

“I was thinking Christopher would be a good name,” said Myrtle.

“I was thinking Catherine,” said James.

“Am I right in assuming that Christopher is for the boy and Catherine for the girl?” asked Enid appearing in front of them.

“I think you were right,” James said to Myrtle.

“Of course she was right,” said Enid. “Right about what?” she added.

“Christopher for the boy and Catherine for the girl,” said Myrtle.

“Right, I’m glad that’s cleared up,” said Enid. “If we nip over now, your Grandparents are in, we can introduce them to Christopher and Catherine.”

“You just want to rattle Natasha’s cage,” Myrtle smiled.

“Of course,” smiled Enid. “It has to be one of the plus sides of being a Granny.”

“May as well get it over with,” said James. “It would be interesting to meet them.”

“You want to come as well?” asked Enid.

“They are our children,” said James. “I am a part of this family.”

“He should meet them,” said Myrtle.

“I suppose so,” said Enid, waving her wand.

“Enid!” said Natasha.

“I thought I’d bring my two Grandchildren to see two of their Great Grandparents,” smiled Enid.

“Do you mind, it makes us sound old,” snapped Natasha.

“Maybe that’s because you are old,” said Enid. “Christopher and Catherine, meet the oldies,” said Enid smiling at the two babies.

“Christopher and Catherine?” said Natasha.

“Yes,” said Myrtle.

“I think one of my Uncles was called Christopher,” said Malcolm .

“Was that the one we don’t talk about?” asked Natasha.

“No, his name was Nigel,” said Malcolm. “Christopher was the one who ran a donkey sanctuary.”

“I remember visiting it,” said Enid. “They didn’t let anyone ride on the donkey’s.”

“Maybe the donkey’s didn’t like people riding on them,” said James.

“Maybe they didn’t have any saddles,” suggested Myrtle.

“No saddles,” said Enid. “I think that was the reason.”

“Nothing wrong with running a donkey sanctuary,” said Myrtle.

“I think you had a cousin called Catherine as well,” said Natasha.

“Yes,” said Malcolm. “She was very kind, we kept getting left with her when the parents got busy.”

“That would be most of the time,” said Enid.

“Yes,” said Malcolm, looking surprised.

“Well, they look to be healthy,” said Natasha, looking at the babies and trying to think of something to say.

“Very healthy,” said James smiling.

“Who are you?” asked Natasha.

“This is James, my husband,” said Myrtle.

“So why did you bring him here?” asked Malcolm.

“Because he is part of the family,” snapped Myrtle. “I shouldn’t have to explain that.”

“Look, it’s very simple,” said Malcolm to James. “You get married, they have the babies and you carry on with your life and leave the little ones to them,” he added nodding towards the women.

“It doesn’t work that way, not now,” said James. “You miss out on so much if you aren’t part of bringing up the kids.”

“You mean like mucky nappies,” he laughed. “I think I was dodging a bullet missing out on those.”

“There’s more to babies than nappies,” said James.

“Then there’s the sleepless nights,” Malcolm continued.

“They soon get to sleep through the night,” said James. “Anyway, working as a Doctor, I’m used to having my sleep patterns messed up.”

“It’s your choice,” said Natasha. “Personally I’d put them in a nursery and pick them up when they are more coherent or get a Nanny if you must have them in your home.”

“Yes well, some people have paternal instincts,” said Enid.

“We always made sure you were cared for,” said Natasha, smiling at Enid.

“Yes, but always by someone else,” said Enid.

“We wanted the best person for the job,” said Malcolm. “It just didn’t happen to be either of us.”

“You didn’t even try,” Enid snapped.

“There was work to be done and children did rather get in the way,” said Natasha.

“Why did you bother to have us, if we were that much of an inconvenience?” asked Enid.

“Everyone I knew was having babies,” said Natasha. “It seemed like a good idea, shame the reality feel a bit short.”

“I think we had better get back,” said Myrtle, as one of the babies and then the other farted.

“Don’t tell me, it’s a nappy change,” said Malcolm.

“Yes, we had better go before they remember how messy children can be,” said Enid. “We wouldn’t want to stink out their house.”

“I was thinking there was a bit of an odd smell,” said James.

“It’s that dog of yours again,” said Natasha, glaring at her husband.

“He can’t help it, he’s getting a bit old,” he replied. “I’ll get the maid to deal with it.”

“You do that,” said Enid. “Don’t ever think of cleaning anything up yourself,” she added waving her wand.

“Shame we can’t get someone else to look after that thing,” Natasha said to her husband as they slowly vanished.

“Will you do that to me, when I get old?” he asked her.

“Yes, I have a place picked out for you,” said Natasha. “Your first mess will be your last here.”

By Janice Nye © 2021

The Fairy Godmother Part 120

 

It was the fifth bar that I looked in that I found him sitting by himself on a bar stool.

“I wouldn’t talk to him,” said one woman who saw me looking at him. “Not unless you want to hear about how his wife thinks he’s useless and that now she’s got the kids she doesn’t want to know him.”

“I am his wife,” I sighed. “And this is the fifth pub I’ve looked in to find him.”

“He’s got you wrong then, if you didn’t want to know you wouldn’t leave the house to find him,” she said and walked off.

“Hello James,” I said pulling up a bar stool and sitting next to him.

“You still want to sit with your looser of a husband?” he asked trying to get the attention of the man behind the bar.

“You’ve had enough to drink already,” said the bar tender.

“I don’t need you to tell me when I’ve had enough to drink,” he shouted.

“I’ll get the security to tell you if you ask again,” the bar tender replied. “Why don’t you just go home.”

“Because my wife threw me out,” he said glaring at Myrtle.

“I did not throw you out,” said Myrtle. “You walked out on me and the twins.”

“You made it pretty clear that I was a waste of space and you didn’t want me there,” said James. “It isn’t like you dashed out after me is it.”

“You set the babies of crying and then walked out leaving me alone to sort it,” said Myrtle.

“You haven’t left them alone have you?” asked the bar tender.

“No, I got their Nana round to hold the fort whilst I looked for their Father,” said Myrtle.

“I don’t know why you bothered,” said the bar tender and then went to serve another customer.

“You left them with Enid!” he stuttered. “What if they need a nappy or something?”

“I’ve seen her change a nappy, just before I left, quiet impressive, if I say so myself,” said Myrtle. “Also, she’s got a mobile phone, if she starts getting out of her depth she’ll ring.”

“Well, if you think our children are safe with her,” said James.

“You thought they would be earlier on this evening,” Myrtle reminded him.

“Why are you here?” he asked.

“Not to carry on arguing with you,” said Myrtle.

“So why?” he asked again.

“I need you,” Myrtle said.

“Why do you need me, you’ve got the twins, or aren’t two enough for you?” he asked.

“I didn’t marry you to have children, I married you because I love you and I want us to spend the rest of our lives together. I thought you felt the same way,” said Myrtle.

“But I’m useless to you,” said James. “I can’t feed them, I am useless at changing nappies, I can’t stop them crying, they don’t want me.”

“They need you, I need you,” said Myrtle.

“But you are so much better at this than I am. I thought I could do it. I thought I could do the Father bit, but I can’t,” shouted James.

“Could you kindly take this discussion somewhere else,” said the bar tender. “I shall have to call security if you don’t leave now.”

“We aught to go,” said Myrtle.

“You go home, you’re better off without me,” said James.

“I think that is for me to decide,” said Myrtle.

“I can’t help you with the twins, everything I do is wrong,” said James.

“We are new to the job of being parents,” said Myrtle. “It takes a while to get used to this. I thought that all my experience with looking after children of all ages , that I would know what to do, but it’s different when it’s you own child that’s crying.”

“But what if I never get used to it?” shouted James.

“You wont if you don’t try,” said Myrtle.

“My Father never got used to the job,” said James. “He was never around when we needed him.”

“You are not your Father, just as I am not my Mother,” said Myrtle.

“You are not Enid, I’ll agree with that,” said James.

“And you are not your Father,” said Myrtle. “You are our babies Father, it would be very helpful if we could come up with names for them.”

“And what sort of name can we give our son, I can’t think of any flowers that have boys names,” said James.

“There is a grass called Timothy,” said Myrtle. “Anyway, even Mother doesn’t think a flower name is essential. Like she said, there are no flowers called Enid.”

“It’s a big responsibility thinking of a name for someone,” said James.

“We could give them a few names each and they can choose the one they want people to call them by,” Myrtle suggested.

“But what if we get it wrong,” said James.

“If they don’t like what we’ve chosen then they can always change it,” said Myrtle. “But we need to talk about it.”

“There are so many ways in which we could get things wrong,” said James. “I don’t know if I’m up to it.”

“Neither do I, it’s a learning curve,” said Myrtle. “But I think our kids are worth the effort of trying.”

“I want them to have the best,” said James.

“And they want you, for them you are the best,” said Myrtle.

“I wish I believed that,” said James, pausing as the walked.

“We are a team,” said Myrtle. “We work best together.”

“I just don’t know any more,” said James.

“I do,” said Myrtle. “And I need you with me.”

“But,” said James.

“Come home with me,” said Myrtle. “I need you, the twins need you. How this works is something we will work out as we go along.”

“And if I can’t get it right?” asked James.

“There is no saying that you wont get it right, it might take a bit of work, but we are a team and we will do this together,” said Myrtle.

“Don’t you ever doubt yourself?” asked James.

“Frequently,” said Myrtle. “But as a Fairy Godmother I have to project an image of certainty, it’s difficult to drop out of that habit when I come home from work.”

“OK,” said James. “I suppose I’m just afraid of failing.”

“So am I, but I’m going to give it my best shot and with you by my side, I think we can do this,” said Myrtle.

“What will your Mother say?” James asked.

“Nothing if she has any sense,” thought Myrtle.

“We’ll find that out when we get home,” Myrtle replied.

“Have you two come up with any names yet?” asked Myrtle as they walked in through the door.

“Timothy is a possibility,” said James.

“We might go with family names,” said Myrtle.

“Please, not Enid,” said Enid. “I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”

“There could only ever be one Enid,” said Myrtle.

“And not Natasha,” Enid added. “My Mother is conceited enough without naming a baby after her.

“It might be one way of getting her to talk to us,” said James.

“You want her to talk to us!” asked Myrtle. “She hasn’t even accepted that we are married yet.”

“It took her long enough to accept she was a Grandmother,” said Enid.

“How long?” asked James.

“When I told her the babies had been born she said she might get used to being a Grandmother, but only if they were good babies,” said Enid.

“I could always tell her she’s a Great Grandmother,” said Myrtle.

“Only if I am there to see her face,” said Enid.

“Deal,” laughed Myrtle.

“That leaves us with the problem of names,” said James.

“There’s your side of the family,” said Myrtle.

By Janice Nye © 2021

The Fairy Godmother Part 119

“And now we sit back and admire my beautiful babies,” whispered James as the babies finally went to sleep in their cots.

“No,” smiled Velvet. “Now you clean up the mess.”

“What mess?” asked James, looking round the room. “Ah! That mess!”

“When you change a nappy, you can’t just leave it on the floor,” said Velvet, picking up the nearest one. The carpet was no longer white underneath it.

“I hadn’t thought about that,” said James, as Myrtle walked out of the bedroom.

“You were supposed to be having a good long sleep,” Velvet reminded her.

“A bit difficult with all the noise,” Myrtle yawned, her eyes going to the carpet.

“It isn’t what you think it is,” said James quickly.

“He’s just about to clean it up,” said Velvet. “And I was just going to take a few things things to the laundry with me.”

“I don’t suppose you have anything that he could clean that up with?” asked Myrtle.

“It’s OK, I can sort it,” said James, looking round for the dusters.

“I’ll send something over as soon as I get this stuff to the laundry,” said Velvet gathering up the nappies and several changes of baby clothes.

“I’ll wand you there,” said Myrtle, picking up her wand.

“I don’t suppose you could,” asked James looking at the stain on the carpet.

“There are those who would say I’ve overstepped things sending the laundry,” said Myrtle.

“It’s just rather difficult,” said James. “Especially with two.”

“The dusters are in that cupboard,” said Myrtle pointing to a door which opened obediently just as a container of cleaner appeared next to the stain.

“I’ll get on with it,” said James.

“It shouldn’t take long,” said Myrtle. “If you follow the instructions.”

“I always follow the instructions,” said James, quickly reading them after he’d sprayed the carpet with it and before he’d got the dusters.

“I’ll go and make us a cup of tea, that is if you want one,” said Myrtle, heading for the kitchen. “This was clean when I went to bed?” she said looking round at sink piled high with dishes and cups, with packets and tins on all the surfaces.

“We got some shopping delivered,” he said. “I wasn’t sure where everything went.”

“Did you at least put the frozen stuff in the freezer and the the chilled in the fridge?” asked Myrtle, checking to see.

“Velvet helped with that,” said James.

“Looks like we are having pizza for tea,” said Myrtle.

“Why?” he asked.

“These ones should have gone in the freezer, not the fridge,” said Myrtle.

“But,” said James. “I was convinced they went in the fridge.”

“And what did Velvet say?” asked Myrtle.

“That they should go in the freezer,” James admitted.

“She was right,” said Myrtle. “But it wont matter if we eat them tonight.”

“I was thinking of taking you out somewhere,” said James.

“I’m still tired, and you must be too, you’ve spent most of the morning trying to get these two off to sleep,” said Myrtle.

“The lads said it would be good to have a night out,” said James.

“A night out with the boys, hardly something I’d be welcome at,” said Myrtle.

“They wouldn’t mind you tagging along,” said James.

“I don’t do, being tolerated and tagging along,” said Myrtle. “However, if you want a night out with the boys.”

“I just thought, you could do with a change and Enid would baby sit,” said James, his words petering out as Myrtle looked at him.

“Enid is probably looking up which end of the baby you put a nappy on,” said Myrtle. “She was talking of helping after you have finished you paternity leave, so I wouldn’t look to her as a baby sitter till then.

“I’ll put the boys off till later,” said James.

“I think that would be a good idea,” said Myrtle. “I also think we need to talk things through.”

“What do you mean?” asked James.

“You need to work out how to look after the twins whilst keeping the place reasonably tidy,” sighed Myrtle. “I shouldn’t be expected to clean up after you.”

“At least I got them to sleep,” said James.

“It would have been easier to sort out if you’d left the tins in the bags,” said Myrtle. “That way it is easier to take them to the cupboard.”

“I didn’t know,” snapped James.

“You will do next time,” said Myrtle, opening the cupboard door and moving the tins over. James walked into the living room and threw himself down on the sofa. “It would be quicker if you helped,” said Myrtle.

“It would be a lot quicker if you just waved your wand,” shouted James.

“You know the Council aren’t happy about the excessive use of the wand, they would not see this as a good reason,” said Myrtle, as first one and then the other baby started crying.

“You can sort them this time, I’m going out,” shouted James. The flat door slammed shut as Myrtle walked back into the living room.

“That went well,” sighed Myrtle leaning over the babies. A quick sniff told her that it was nappy time again.

It was nearly midnight when James came back.

“Looks like you’ve done a perfectly good job without me,” he said to Myrtle, sitting on the sofa listening out for the babies. “The babies aren’t crying and I didn’t trip up over any nappies on the way in.”

“You don’t have to shout, I’m not deaf and neither are the twins,” said Myrtle.

“I agree with you about the twins,” said James. “But, sleeping through the racket they made this morning, like you did, I wouldn’t be so sure about your hearing.”

“We could have a row, if that is what you want, or we could try and learn from today,” said Myrtle.

“That’s right, talk it through like adults,” said James. “That’s how you solve all your problems. Thing is, I’m tired and I feel like I’m useless and I don’t want to talk things through like a grown up, I just want to get some sleep.”

“You know where the bed is,” said Myrtle.

“And when will you be coming to bed,” asked James as the babies started to yell.

“Good question,” said Myrtle. “I’ll let you know when I have an answer.”

“You’ve got what you wanted,” he shouted. “I suppose I’m out on my ear now.”

“Whatever gave you that idea,” shouted Myrtle.

“Enid,” said James. “She said you wouldn’t have any use for me once the babies were born.”

“This is the first time you have listened to her,” said Myrtle.

“Fairies are all the same,” shouted James. “You aren’t any different to any of the others.”

“We will talk this through in the morning, when you have rested,” said Myrtle. “In the meantime I would appreciate it if you stopped shouting.”

“Don’t worry, I know when I’m not wanted,” shouted James, storming out of the flat.

“Brilliant!” thought Myrtle. “I can’t chase after him, I’ve got the babies to look after.”

“I’d offer to look after them, but I know you don’t rate my childcare abilities,” said Enid.

“Have you worked out which end the nappy goes on?” asked Myrtle.

“It’s not really an end though, is it,” said Enid. “It’s more just below the middle.”

“Is this you saying that you aren’t as hopeless with babies as you’ve lead everyone to believe all these years?” asked Myrtle.

“If you mean, do I know how to change a nappy. Of course I do, I just find it easier to hand the baby over to someone else,” said Enid. “If you hold the baby by the ankles and lift the little bottom off the mucky nappy, it’s hard for said baby to struggle.”

“Thanks Mum,” said Myrtle.

“Also, the nappy changing is best done quickly, have everything to hand before you start,” said Enid bringing over the changing bag. “These bags are very useful, if you keep them stocked, then everything is on hand.”

“Thanks Mum,” said Myrtle, finishing the first nappy change.

“If I do the other,” said Enid. “Perhaps you will believe me.”

“OK,” said Myrtle, sitting back and watching her so the quickest nappy change she’d ever seen, without a wand.

“Now,” said Enid. “You feed them and then I’ll look after them whilst you go and find that Father of theirs.”

“What am I going to say to him?” asked Myrtle.

“That’s the fist time you’ve ever asked my advice,” said Enid.

“You were never around when I needed it,” said Myrtle.

“I think it was more that you never needed any,” said Enid.

“So, what do I say?” Myrtle asked.

“First you need to work out what you want of him,” said Enid.

“I want him here, helping me with our children,” said Myrtle.

“Then tell him that,” said Enid as the two babies dropped off to sleep and they managed to get them into their cots without waking them. “Don’t you think they would be better in the same cot?” she asked. “They’ve spent so long together, it can’t be easy or them to be apart.”

“There is room,” said Myrtle, moving the daughter over.

“When are you going to give them names?” asked Enid.

“Haven’t come up with any ideas yet,” said Myrtle.

“Go and ask James,” said Enid. “He might have some thoughts on the matter. They don’t have to be flowers, I wasn’t.”

By Janice Nye © 2021

The Fairy Godmother Part 118

“What’s she doing here?” the words drifted into Myrtle’s dreams.

“She is a new Mother, just like everyone else in this ward,” the mid wife’s words cut through the dream and woke Myrtle up.

“Her sort usually get others to carry their babies for them and then steel them away after they are born,” said the angry woman.

“Well, she’s different,” said the midwife. “She insisted on carrying her babies to term and giving birth to them.”

“What does she want, a medal,” laughed the woman.

“I’d like to be treated like any other new Mother,” said Myrtle, opening her eyes and looking at the woman.

“She’s giving me the evil eye,” screeched the woman. “I’m not safe here, nor is my baby.”

“I am a Fairy Godmother,” said Myrtle. “My job is to solve problems, not make them. So, no I haven’t given you the evil eye, you and your baby are safe here.”

“How do I know that?” the woman blurted out.

“You don’t,” sighed Myrtle.

“Aren’t you going to magic something up to convince me?” she asked.

“And what would that prove, that I am prepared to magic something up to get a bit of peace?” Myrtle. “It wouldn’t mean that I wouldn’t do something later to make you regret all this fuss you are making.”

“Maybe it shows that you can’t do anything,” said the woman. “Perhaps giving birth means you’ve lost your powers.”

“I wont do anything,” said Myrtle. “Not now, so I suggest you go and look after your baby before I change my mind.”

“That wasn’t very kind of you,” said the mid wife as the woman ran sobbing down the ward.

“She wasn’t being very kind to me,” said Myrtle. “And you didn’t do much to help me.”

“You didn’t seem to need any help from me,” said the mid wife.

“Which is fortunate,” said Enid.

“I didn’t see you there,” stuttered the mid wife.

“I know,” said Enid. “When can she come home?”

“Normally we keep new Mothers in for four days, to make sure they are OK,” said the mid wife. “However, as her husband is a Doctor, I shall go and see if we can let her go earlier.”

“That would be very good of you,” said Enid as the mid wife headed off down the ward.

“I would like to go home,” said Myrtle. “But don’t make a habit of talking for me, I can talk for myself.”

“Or I can talk for her,” said James. “The mid wife has just said that you can come home, if it’s OK by me.”

“And is it OK by you?” asked Enid.

“Of course it is,” smiled James. “I’ve just finished my duty and I can start my paternity leave as soon as we get home.”

“How long do you get?” asked Enid.

“Four weeks,” smiled James, looking at the twins.

“I can take over helping after that,” said Enid, vanishing, with a wave of her wand.

“How’s she going to help?” asked Myrtle.

“She brought you up,” smiled James. “And she did a very good job of that.”

“No she didn’t,” said Myrtle.

“I have no complaints,” James’s smile was becoming a little fixed.

“She dropped me off at the nursery and I didn’t find out who she was till recently, she paid no part in bringing me up,” said Myrtle.

“She was telling me all she knew about babies,” said James, looking confused.

“That wouldn’t take long, unless she’s had some and not told me about them,” said Myrtle. “With my family, that is a possibility.”

“But,” said James.

“Lets get home,” said Myrtle. “It wont feel like we’re a real family till we get there.”

“That’s not very logical,” said James as Myrtle waved her wand.

“It’s how I feel,” said Myrtle as their home came into focus around them.

“Shouldn’t you have packed or something first,” said James, looking at all the things on the floor.

“Why, we’d only have to unpack them here,” said Myrtle, waving her wand to direct everything to the right place, which included the laundry for a few changes of clothes for the twins and herself.

“OK,” said James. “What do we do now?” he asked as the twins started to cry.

“We find out what is wrong with those two,” said Myrtle, heading towards their bedroom.

“Velvet?” Myrtle asked into the phone.

“Yes,” said Velvet. “How is life with the twins. Your Mum said to leave you two to it, she’d given James the benefit of her knowledge, so she didn’t think you’d need any help.”

“Her knowledge! She doesn’t have any, well, not as far as I know,” said Myrtle. “I’ve helped look after kids before, even babies, but this is so totally different. They wont stop crying, I don’t know what they want, if I did I’d give it to them.”

“How is James?” asked Velvet.

“Fast asleep,” said Myrtle. “When he goes to sleep nothing wakes him up and that includes our twins screaming at the top of their lungs. I’ve tried.”

“Would you like me to come round?” asked Velvet.

“Please,” said Myrtle. “I can wand you.”

“Is it that urgent?” asked Velvet.

“Yes,” said Myrtle, giving her wand a quick twitch.

“Good morning Velvet,” said James wandering into the living room just as Velvet appeared.

“Had a good night’s sleep?” asked Velvet.

“It was a bit disturbed,” he admitted. “I think Myrtle was checking up on the twins. They are crying again,” he added and Myrtle dashed off.

“And it didn’t cross your mind to see if she needed any help?” asked Velvet.

“I need to catch up on my sleep,” said James. “I’ve been on nights for a few weeks.”

“You don’t get paternity leave to catch up on your sleep,” said Velvet. “You get it to help your wife.”

“I know that,” said James smiling.

“So you can start now,” said Velvet. “Myrtle looks washed out, you can look after the twins whilst she catches up on her sleep.”

“But I don’t know what to do with babies!” said James.

“Neither do I,” said Myrtle, handing them over to James and heading for the bedroom.

“Now is the time to learn,” said Velvet.

“They are a bit on the smelly side,” he said wrinkling his nose.

“Probably need a nappy change,” said Velvet. “And don’t even think of asking Myrtle to do that, you need to know for the times when she is working.”

“Couldn’t she have maternity leave till after they need nappies?” asked James, looking round for inspiration.

“No she can’t,” said Velvet. “No more than you could take paternity leave till then.”

“But,” said James.

“Here’s the changing bag,” said Velvet. “I’ll change one, so that you can see how to do it, then you change the other.”

“Enid said that she just waved a wand,” said James.

“The council are trying to cut down on the use of wands,” said Velvet. “Also, some nappies have ended up in some very strange places.”

“I heard one had ended up on the head of that statue in front of the Hall of the Fairy Council,” said James.

“No one admitted to putting it there and it took quite a lot of getting it off, I don’t think the stains will ever go away,” said Velvet.

“Who is that statue of?” asked James.

“I don’t know,” Velvet replied. “But he had a nice horse.”

“So, no short cuts to clean nappies,” sighed James.

“No,” said Velvet, starting the demonstration. “Is there anything else Enid told you?”

“You don’t rate her baby care advice?” asked James.

“Let’s put it this way,” said Velvet. “She looked after Myrtle for a few days and when she handed her over to the nursery, she needed a good bath before the could work out if she was a boy or a girl.”

“Oh!” said James.

“Enid, she’ll talk the talk till the cows come home, even if she hasn’t the first idea about what she’s talking about,” said Velvet. “That’s one changed, now it’s your turn to change the other.”

“You are so much better at it than I ever could be,” James stuttered.

“You wont learn till you try,” said Velvet. “I’ll talk you through it.”

“Her dress is wet,” he said.

“Take it off and put a clean one on after you’ve done the nappy,” said Velvet.

“Wont she get cold?” he asked.

“Only if you stand around all day talking about it,” Velvet told him.

“Wouldn’t it be better if Myrtle did this,” said James. “She’s going to be with them most of the time.”

“I should think she’s done it several times over the night,” said Velvet. “Just get on with it.”

By Janice Nye © 2021