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Monday 28 September 2020

The Fairy Godmother Part 83


“What are you doing here?” asked Velvet, supervising a new girl pegging out the washing. “You need to straighten it out more,” she told the girl. “It’ll never dry like that and it’ll be murder to get all those creases out.”

“Who cares?” she asked sulkily.

“I care and you will if you have to iron it,” Velvet replied.

“I wont be doing ironing for another month,” the girl replied.

“By which time someone else will be pegging the washing out and you will have to iron out the creases they create,” Velvet replied. “At the moment though, those doing the ironing may not be so happy about the amount of creases that will be in that, if you don’t straighten it.” The girl straightened the sheet and made a better job of the next one and then went back for the next load of washing.

“So what brings you here?” Velvet asked me again.

“I went to see Malcolm,” I said.

“Had Natasha come back?” Velvet asked.

“Yes, only Malcolm wasn’t alone,” I sighed. “Is this my fault?”

“Of course not,” Velvet laughed. “He’s like that every time she goes off on a job.”

“But,” I started and then stopped.

“You tried to help, which is good of you,” Velvet smiled. “You just didn’t know what he was like.”

“Neither did Mum,” I said.

“It’s not the sort of thing that Natasha would want her daughters to know about,” Velvet smiled.

“She couldn’t exactly hide it today,” I laughed. “The lady concerned was running out of the house, trying to get dressed and dodge all the things Natasha was hurling in her direction.”

“Did she succeed?” Velvet asked.

“I don’t think so, the last thing definitely sounded like it made contact,” I replied.

“Was there a screech?” asked Velvet.

“Yes,” I replied. “Quite a long one.”

“Couldn’t have been that bad then,” said Velvet. “It’s when you hear the thump and then there’s silence that you need to worry. She knocked one girl out cold.”

“I just don’t understand them,” I said shaking my head.

“What did you do this time?” Velvet asked.

“I found her an apprentice,” I said. “How did you know that I did something?”

“You always do,” said Velvet. “You are a fixer, give you a problem and you will always try to come up with a solution.”

“So why can’t I solve me!” I asked.

“Well, the obvious reply to that is that you are too close to the problem,” said Velvet. “The other is that, I don’t think you have worked out what the problem is.”

“It’s a bit difficult to do that when you hardly get time to catch your breath,” I snapped.

“Have you tried taking a holiday?” asked Velvet.

“Yes,” I sighed. “I thought of the ideal location, some people I had helped were going to revive a tropical holiday resort, sun, sea and sand, you get the picture.”

“But?” Velvet asked.

“Some other people wanted to use it for something else and they were trying to harass them out of the place, hence it would by like taking a cruse on the Mary Celeste,” I replied. “Added to that, Enid followed me there!”

“Well, I should think that’s sorted, thanks to you,” said Velvet. “You could always go back.”

“It wouldn’t be quite the same,” I sighed. “They’d be giving me progress reports or asking my advice on things.”

“Not exactly restful,” Velvet agreed. “But surely there is somewhere else you could go?”

“This was my third guess as to where you would be,” said Enid appearing next to the washing line. “Someone missed something there,” she said pointing to the sheet that the new girl had spent ages straightening.

“Elsa,” said Velvet, the girl came scurrying out. “This sheet needs washing again.”

“Why?” asked Elsa.

“There is dirt here,” said Velvet.

“There isn’t much,” Elsa said. “It’s still fairly damp, I could give it a quick scrub on the line, no one would see.”

“You shock me!” Velvet replied. “This laundry has a very good reputation which would be lost if anyone herd you say that, let alone did it!”

“You will be on hand washing nappies for the next month,” Velvet replied.

“Oh, but!” Elsa exclaimed.

“One more word and you will be on them for two months,” said Velvet. “Go this very instance and take this sheet with you.”

“That was rather hard, wasn’t it?” I asked.

“She’s been winding me up from the moment that she got here,” said Velvet.

“I find it hard to imagine anyone being able to wind you up,” said Enid. “Me, it’s a doddle and I’ll admit to it, but you, I’ve never seen you so angry what’s wrong?”

“Nothing you can help me with,” she snapped and walked back into the laundry.

“Well!” said Enid. “Perhaps you can sort this out,” she said to me. “At least that side of your family is fairly straightforward.”

“Not like your side of the family,” I sighed.

“We are nothing if not interesting,” Mum laughed and disappeared.

“What is it?” I asked Velvet as soon as I found her in the laundry’s office.

“It’s your father,” Velvet sighed.

“What has he done?” I asked.

“It isn’t what he’s done,” she sighed again.

“That seems to be the way with my family, then again, he is a bit different to most of them,” I said.

“If you mean he has a great talent as opposed to a great ego,” said Velvet.

“Something like that,” I smiled. “So what is the problem.”

“I was thinking how quiet the house is, now the kids have grown up,” Velvet said.

“And?” I asked.

“I said it would be nice to have some more little ones running about the place,” Velvet sighed.

“And?” I asked.

“He reminded me of all the problems I had, working in the laundry whilst pregnant,” she sighed. “And the difficulties of breast feeding whilst still working, the sleepless nights and a million and one other things.”

“But you find the house too quiet when you get home?” I said. “You miss the sound of children.”

“Yes,” she sighed. “And I know he’s right, but.”

“Have you thought of fostering?” I asked. “Then you can skip the sleepless nights, the potty training and go straight to the time when you can talk to and reason with them.”

“I hadn’t thought of that,” said Velvet.

“You would be great,” I said. “I would have loved to have you as a foster mum.”

“I’ll talk to your father tonight,” she said.

“Why don’t you talk to him now,” said my father.

“I think that’s my queue to leave,” I said, giving my wand a quick wave and taking myself back to my rooms.

“You’ve done it again,” said Enid, settling herself down on my sofa.

“All I did was suggest a solution,” I replied.

“And I think it will be the perfect solution,” Mum agreed. “An instant family without all the morning sickness. I couldn’t have done better myself.”

“I just thought how good she would be for so many children,” I said.

“I sometimes think that about you,” said Mum.

“I don’t think that’s going to happen, not for a while at any rate,” I replied.

“Aren’t there any likely men in your life?” she asked.

“I am far too busy,” I said.

“You can say that again,” Mum said.

“And I don’t need you trying to play cupid for me,” I said.

“Someone needs to,” she said.

“When I want your help I’ll ask for it,” I replied. “Meanwhile, I have some tidying to finish.”

“Well, you know what you want tidied,” Mum replied. “I’ll leave you to it.”

“Thanks Mum,” I sighed. I had said it to get her to leave, but somehow, I wish it hadn’t been quite so effective.


By Janice Nye © 2020



Friday 25 September 2020

The Fairy Godmother Part 82

 


It was lunch time before things quietened down in the canteen. The news had gone round about Maud sacking the canteen lady and soon she had re-hired a lot of the staff who had left soon after she had arrived.

“I should have realised what the problem was,” said Maud whilst we ate. She thought scrambled eggs on toast was OK for Enid, but toast and tea wasn’t enough for me. So I had mushrooms on toast.

“Will her Aunt give you any problems?” Enid asked. I got the impression that she knew the Aunt.

“I took the girl on as a favour to her, but she wont cut up rough because it didn’t work,” Maud insisted.

“If you have any problems let me know,” said Enid. “I may not exactly be flavour of the month at the moment, but I do know where there are a few skeletons buried, so I can call in a few favours.”

“Thank-you,” said Maud. “There shouldn’t be any problems, but it is nice to know that I have support if I need it.”

“What will happen to her,” I asked.

“The obnoxious canteen lady?” asked Enid.

“Yes,” I said. “What will she do next?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care,” Enid replied, wiping up the last of the scrambled egg with the last piece of toast and finishing the last of her cup of tea.

“Despite everything her aunt says, she will try and find her another job, just to get her out of her Mother’s hair,” Maud replied.

“I can’t think of anything she’d be good at,” I said, my mind going through all the possibilities I could come up with.

“Why would you want to find something for her, the ungrateful little madam?” asked Enid.

“Because there has to be something that she’s good at,” I replied.

“Well, she isn’t good with people,” Maud sighed.

“That’s who she reminded me of,” I said leaping up.

“Who?” asked Maud.

“Natasha!” I replied.

“She was more into redesigning the place than serving the customers,” Maud agreed.

“Do you think she’d be interested in working as an apprentice to Natasha?” I asked.

“Would Natasha take on an apprentice?” asked Maud.

“Depends on the apprentice,” I replied. “If they were prepared to worship the ground that she trod on, possibly.”

“I don’t see that Natasha would need an apprentice,” said Enid.

“I’m not sure,” I replied. “But I think it is a possible solution to a couple of problems at least.”

“We should check up on Malcolm,” said Enid.

“Yes,” I said as Maud’s people came back to work.



“Who’s been in here tidying up?” we heard Natasha yelling before we had even got up the garden path.

“Perhaps I miss read the situation,” I said, then a partially dressed female form ran down the path past us.

“I didn’t tidy anything up,” she muttered to us trying to get an arm in a sleeve whilst ducking as a large saucepan came flying over her head.

“You again!” snapped Natasha, glaring at Enid. “This is the second time this decade that you’ve come to see us, what have we done to deserve this.”

“We were checking up on Malcolm,” I said. “We were worried that he wouldn’t be able to cope whilst you were away.”

“He’s coping a little bit too well,” said Natasha glaring at the direction the woman had taken and throwing something else in her direction. It must have made contact as there was a distant howl of pain.

“Serves the little strumpet right,” muttered Natasha. “I just have to go away for a day and she’s round here. She’s never done the tidying before.”

“I tidied up,” I said. “When I came round here yesterday the place was a tip. I didn’t want you to come back to such a mess. I know you are very house proud.”

“You were thinking of me?” asked Natasha.

“Yes,” I said. “I got the impression that you like your home to be just so. A place for everything and everything in it’s place.”

“I do,” Natasha agreed. “But I know what Malcolm is like as far as housework goes. He hasn’t the first idea. Never has had, I knew what to expect when I got back. It was quite a shock to find the place so neat, even with last night’s take away debris strewn across the living room along with that randy old goats clothes.”

“I had no idea that my Father was like that!” stuttered Enid.

“Your Father!” said Natasha. “If memory serves me right, he was Lily’s Father, but he wasn’t yours. Yours got into mountain climbing and fell off, I think.”

“Is that why you aren’t that bothered about what Malcolm’s done?” I asked.

“It keeps him happy whilst I’m away,” said Natasha. “It was just the thought that she’d tidied up the house, that’s one step towards moving in and taking over.”

“I’m not going to move in,” I said. “I just wanted to help.”

“It came from a good place,” Natasha smiled. Enid looked as if she’d been hit with a large caste iron frying pan. Meanwhile, Malcolm stood by the open back door ready to duck or run.

“You know me,” he said cautiously. “I get board when I don’t have you to keep me in order.”

“Yes, well, it looks like I’m going to be around a bit more,” Natasha told him.

“What happened with the job?” I asked.

“I’m not as young as I was,” Natasha sighed. “I was running out of energy half way through the afternoon and falling asleep. They said I should go home for a rest.”

“How would you feel about an apprentice?” I asked. Enid looked at the door and edged in that direction.

“An apprentice!” Natasha shouted.

“You know more about interior design than anyone I have ever come across,” I explained. “You would make a great teacher. Second to none.”

“Don’t you think I am busy enough as it is?” Natasha snapped.

“An apprentice could do all the leg work,” I explained. “You have the ideas and they run around after you doing all the hard work, whilst learning your craft.”

“They would be a very lucky person to learn from you,” said Malcolm, looking a little more relaxed.

“That is true,” said Natasha, modesty does not seem to be a problem for her. “Do you have an apprentice in mind?”

“Yes,” I replied. “I shall go and talk to her.”

“Bring her here, I’d like to talk to her as well,” Natasha smiled.

“Of course,” I replied. “You have the final say in everything.”

“As long as you understand that,” she said.

“I’ll be back soon,” I said waving my wand.

“You!” snapped the ex-canteen lady as soon as I appeared.

“Me!” I smiled.

“What are you doing here?” she snapped.

“I got the impression that canteen work is not your forty,” I said.

“No, but my Aunt said I had to do something, sitting at home was no longer an option,” she said.

“What did you do?” I asked.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“There are some people who sit around all day doing nothing,” I said. “But I don’t think you are one of those.”

“I had ideas on how to re-vamp my aunt’s house, she didn’t see any need to change anything,” she replied, shrugging her shoulders.

“Can I see these ideas?” I asked. “I am assuming that you made sketches.”

“OK,” she said. “You’d better come in.”

“Have you heard of Natasha?” I asked.

“She is the greatest,” she said. “Her ideas are so good.”

“She needs an apprentice,” I said.

“That person will be the luckiest alive,” she said, handing over a sketch book. I looked through the pages.

“They remind me of her work,” I said. “But there is something extra. An apprentice should bring something of themselves to the work.”

“I wish I stood a chance, but I know I don’t,” she sighed.

“Would you like to meet her, now?” I asked.

“Are you taking the piss?” she asked. “Of course I would love to see her, but I know it isn’t ever going to happen.”

“It is,” I said. “But be on your best behaviour, with great talent comes great ego.”

“I just want a chance,” she said. “No way am I going to blow it.”

With a wave of my wand we were back at Natasha’s home.

“I’d like you to meet someone,” I said to Natasha. “What is your name?” I asked the ex-canteen lady.

“Natalie,” she stuttered.

“Natalie,” said Natasha. “Someone called Natalie sent me some sketches a year ago, but they didn’t put there address on.”

“It was me,” Natalie replied. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have bothered you.”

“Nonsense, they were very good,” said Natasha. “I have been thinking of taking on an apprentice, would you care for the post?”

“It would be a dream come true,” Natalie stammered.

“Good,” said Natasha. “You can start now.”

“We’ll leave you to it,” I said as Enid and I carefully made our way to the door.

“I hope you know what you are doing,” Enid hissed.

“I’m making sure that Maud doesn’t get talked into taking her back in the canteen,” I said.

“You are solving problems,” said Enid. “It’s what you’re good at.”


By Janice Nye © 2020


Monday 21 September 2020

The Fairy Godmother Part 81


The sun coming through the bedroom window woke me up just before my phone rang.

“Good morning,” Violet’s chirped happily, I groped round the bedside table for my alarm clock, it said 9.30.

“Morning,” I mumbled.

“Mum said you’d been busy,” said Violet, still sounding way to happy for the time of day, what-ever day it was.

“Somewhat,” I admitted. “What day is it?”

“Don’t you know?” she asked. Like I’d have asked if I’d known.

“I’ve rather lost track of the days,” I confessed. “What with checking up on Georgie and Juliet and keeping an eye on Enid and her parents.”

“Thanks for keeping an eye on Enid, we are all a bit worried about her,” said Violet.

“Well, she is my Mum,” I said, getting out of bed. “Sorry I slept in, I’ll get some breakfast, if that’s OK and be with you shortly.”

“Don’t worry, it’s Sunday, you don’t have to come in today,” said Violet.

“Why did you ring?” I asked fopping back on my bed.

“Mum was worried about you, so I thought I’d ring to check you were OK,” she replied.

“It’s 9.30 on a Sunday morning!” I replied.

“I didn’t ring when I got up, I thought you might like a lie in,” Violet replied.

“What time did you get up?” I asked.

“6.30,” she replied. “I have a bit of a lie in on Sundays.”

“Right, well for future reference, Sundays, unless the building is on fire or likely to blow up in the next ten seconds, don’t contact me before 11am at the earliest,” I replied, hanging up.

The phone rang again, before I even managed to put it down on the bedside table.

“So are you OK?” Violet asked.

“I’m fine,” I said.

“Good, I’ll tell Mum,” she said hanging up. The temptation was to hurl the phone across the room, but I had heard the story of one which bounced back and hit the person on the head, or was it they accidentally hit the cat on the head, whatever, it didn’t end well and there is always the risk of breaking the phone.

This was when my stomach decided that breakfast was a good idea, so I gave in and got up. Looking through the cupboards I came to the conclusion that I needed to go shopping because there was nothing in them, apart from cobwebs and muck. Velvet had done a very good job of cleaning, but she had only tackled surfaces, not that she had needed to and I was grateful for what she had done, but my work was cut out for me.

“So, do I wave my wand and have breakfast appear or should I stir my lazy arse and go down to the canteen?” I asked myself.

“You know what I’ve said about excessive use of the wand,” said Enid appearing next to me.

“It’s never stopped you before,” I replied with a yawn.

“You could do with some exercise, a brisk walk down to the canteen would do you the world of good,” Enid replied.

“Exercise! I’ve had plenty of that these last two days cleaning your rooms and your parents home!” I snapped.

“What were you doing at Malcolm and Natasha’s?” asked Enid.

“I was checking up on Malcolm,” I explained.

“Why?” she asked.

“Because Natasha is busy with the magazine and either isn’t there or isn’t there long enough to notice the mess the place had got into,” I told her.

“Mess! The place is always spotless,” Enid replied. “Natasha wont have it any other way.”

“I guessed that,” I smiled. “But she isn’t there to keep it like that and Malcolm hasn’t the first idea when it comes to house work, he says it’s “Women’s work” and leaves it.”

“I should have thought,” said Enid. “And you’ve cleaned it up?”

“I’ve done my best, but whether it is up to Natasha’s standards, I wouldn’t know,” I said.

“Do you think I aught to check?” Enid asked.

“He’s your Father,” I said.

“If this was your Father,” Enid started.

“If it was my Father, he’s married to Velvet, so I wouldn’t need to check,” I snapped.

“True, I have not doubt she keeps their home spotless, with a clean lived in air to it all,” Enid sighed.

“Walk down to the canteen with me and we’ll check up after breakfast,” I replied. “We’ll see if he remembers who I am.”

“What do you mean?” asked Enid.

“By the end of the day, I think he thought I was the cleaner,” I sighed.

“They don’t have a cleaner, Natasha wont have one in the house,” said Enid.

“Then she has a problem, because if she’s going to be away for any time, Malcolm is going to make a mess of it,” I told her.

“But she loves her work,” Enid explained. “She’d make Malcolm’s life hell if she didn’t do it.”

“Either she gets a cleaner or he’ll have to get himself out of that chair and do it himself,” I said. “Or she’s going to find the place a shit tip whenever she gets back to it.”

“Parents!” Enid said as we arrived at the canteen.

“Tell me about it,” I replied, picking up a tray. “By the way, Mum, have you had breakfast yet?”

“I knew I’d forgotten something,” she said, letting me get a tray for her.

“What do you think would be the best way to tackle this?” Enid asked as we walked through the canteen trying to find an empty table.

“I could wave my wand and move some people out onto the lawn,” I suggested. “That would give us an empty table or we could grab that one before someone else gets it,” I added pointing to one that some people were leaving.

“That wasn’t what I was on about,” Enid replied, looking at the table and then her tray. I put my tray down and pulled up a chair.

“Shouldn’t we take the stuff off the tray?” Enid asked.

“The table didn’t look that clean and we’re only going to have to put the empty dishes back on it to take them over to be washed,” I said.

“If you’d waited for me to wipe the table,” said one of the canteen ladies.

“Then someone else would have taken the table,” I said.

“This is a busy time of day,” the canteen lady persisted.

“We had noticed,” said Enid. “And when we have had our breakfast you will probably have the opportunity to clean it.”

“You have to understand,” the canteen lady started.

“That my scrambled eggs on toast are going cold whilst we talk and you have failed to clean the table behind you before it was occupied by someone else,” said Enid.

“I don’t like your attitude,” snapped the canteen lady

“I don’t like your attitude either,” replied Enid, fishing out her mobile phone. “Maud,” she said as soon as her call was answered. The canteen lady’s face went white.

“Hello Enid,” Maud replied. “To what do I own this pleasure.”

“One of your canteen ladies doesn’t like my attitude,” said Enid. “We didn’t give her time to clean the table before we put our trays down and now my breakfast is going cold.”

“I shall be there in one second,” Maud replied and hung up. Enid placed the phone in her pocket and looked up to see Maud.

“How many times have I told you about this?” Maud asked the canteen lady.

“She looked at that table as if it was infested with something,” said the canteen lady.

“Did she complain about the table?” Maud asked.

“No, not in so many words,” said the canteen lady. “It was the look on her face.”

“I didn’t know if I was supposed to take the plate off the tray or what,” said Enid. “I was just about to ask Myrtle about that when she started on at us.”

“Myrtle? What idiot calls their daughter Myrtle,” laughed the canteen lady.

“I came in here for a quick breakfast, because I overslept and because I like my toast nice and hot and the same goes for my cup of tea. Now they are both cold,” I said.

“Boo hoo,” said the canteen lady pretending to rub her eyes. “Is your breekies all cold and nasty.”

“She goes or I go,” I said to Maud.

“Are you going to put up with little miss posh telling you what to do?” the canteen lady asked Maud.

“I am not putting up with you treating my customers like that,” said Maud.

“And what are you going to do about it,” the canteen lady replied.

“You can work your notice out cleaning the bins or you can leave now,” said Maud.

“I shall tell my Aunt about this,” replied the canteen lady. Maud held up another phone with the Aunt in question clearly visible on it.

“You needn’t bother,” said the Aunt. “I’m backing Maud on this, only I don’t think you are fit to clean the bins. You have messed up every job I have found you. Don’t expect me to put myself out to find you any more.”

The Aunt hung up the call, but the canteen lady was no where to be seen. A cheer went through the canteen.

“I am sorry about that,” said Maud.

“Not your fault,” said Enid.

“I hope this isn’t going to leave you short handed,” I said.

“I’ve been loosing quite a few staff members since I took her on,” Maud replied. “Which is why we are short staffed. I think I know why, now.”

“So it should be easy to sort once this rush is over,” I said.

“True,” said Maud. “But the problem is now!”

“So we’ll give you a hand,” I said, looking at Enid. “If you could do us a fresh breakfast at the end of this.”

“Deal,” said Maud.


By Janice Nye © 2020


Saturday 19 September 2020

The Fairy Godmother Part 80


I had just wreaked some semblance of order on my Grandparents home when I got a text message from Velvet.

“YOUR WASHING AND THAT OF ENID’S PARENTS IS DONE, WHERE DO YOU WANT THEM SENDING OR DO YOU INTEND TO COLLECT?”

“I’d better get back to them,” I told Malcolm, stepping out into the garden whilst he sat in what must have been his favourite seat, he seemed to spend a lot of time on it.

“Hello Velvet,” I said as soon as she answered.

“I didn’t know whether to ring you or what,” she replied.

“Thanks,” I said.

“Where are you?” she asked.

“In my Grandparents garden,” I replied. “Don’t tell anyone, but the place was a bit of a mess, Malcolm doesn’t do housework and Natasha hasn’t been back long enough to notice the state it’s in.”

“So you’ve been cleaning up after someone else again,” said Velvet.

“I thought they’d have an enormous row when Natasha got back and saw it and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone,” I replied. “Also, I do feel a bit responsible.”

“You are just too nice,” Velvet replied. “Do you want me to send their washing there.”

“If you could,” I said. “Then I can get everything tidied away before I leave.”

“And your stuff?” she asked.

“I’ll come and pick it up,” I said yawning loudly.

“Let me know when you are leaving and I’ll take it to your rooms, along with something for you to eat,” Velvet told me and then hung up.

“Something just appeared in the living room,” said Malcolm looking confused.

“It’s your laundry,” I smiled.

“What are you going to do with it?” he asked, not what should I do with it, I noticed.

“I shall put it away,” I smiled.

“Oh well, you’re a woman, you should know where this sort of thing goes,” he said going back to his chair and picking up the newspaper. I felt tempted to leave it where it was and let him face the music, but I had a feeling she would blame me for it. Also, it gave me an excuse to look round the house.

“Do you have an airing cupboard?” I asked.

“What one of those?” he asked.

“A cupboard that you put freshly washed clothes in,” I said.

“I wouldn’t know,” said Malcolm. “Natasha deals with that sort of thing.”

“So where have you been getting clean towels from whilst Natasha’s been away?” I asked.

“I didn’t know towels got dirty,” he said, so I gave up and got the bag of laundry to follow me up the stairs.

“I’ll start by opening every door till I find something that looks like a clothes store,” I thought to myself.

The first door was the bathroom, I changed the hand towels and flannels, I couldn’t see any bath towels on show and put the mucky ones in a pile on the landing.

Next was a guest room, the bed was unmade and there were no towels in sight. Somehow I found it hard to imagine anyone visiting. Next was another guest room, equally devoid of things that needed washing. Lastly was their bedroom. It looked as if Malcolm had just got undressed and left his clothes on the floor. It also looked as if he had been eating in bed and washing it down with the odd glass of something. The bed was covered in crumbs and food stains and the bedside tables were covered in used glasses. Somehow, I thought the pile of washing I’d sent of earlier wasn’t everything.

It took an hour to get the room in some sort of state of tidiness and to get all the clean things from the laundry put away in the right places. I put the mucky stuff in the laundry bag and went back down to the living room. Malcolm was snoring in front of a roaring fire and I had the job of waking him up before I left. It didn’t look like it was going to be an easy.

I tried blowing on his face, to see if that had a result, nothing. Shaking his arm gently, he rolled over onto it, but didn’t wake up.

“Malcolm,” I tried calling. No effect, so I shouted. Nothing what-so-ever.

I tried ringing his phone, not that I expected anything to come of it, not when I head the ring tone, but I was wrong, he snapped awake with a start.

“What is it!” he snapped, reaching round for the mobile.

“You were asleep,” I said.

“What of it!” he snapped. “Can’t a man sleep in his own home!”

“I just wanted to tell you I was going,” I replied. “I’ve got some more washing to get done. There are clean towels in the bathroom and kitchen. I’ve changed the bed clothes in your and Natasha’s room and collected up even more clothes to be washed.”

“And now you’re off?” Malcolm asked.

“Yes,” I smiled.

“Good,” he snapped. “Now I’ll be able to get some peace.”

“The washing will be returned when it’s done,” I said.

“Are you still here?” he asked. I waved my wand and departed, ringing Velvet as soon as I got to my room.

“I thought you were going to ring before you came back,” said Velvet, looking up from the dusting.

“I was going to, but that man got me so annoyed,” I sighed. “What are you doing here?”

“I am doing what you were doing at Malcolm’s,” she replied. “What did he do to annoy you?”

“You mean apart from having absolutely no idea about anything to do with house keeping?” I asked.

“He’s a man,” said Velvet. “Men of his age generally leave that to the women folk.”

“That’s what he kept saying,” I replied.

“So what was the final straw?” she asked.

“I had to wake him up to tell him I was leaving and all he could say was “Good, he’d get some peace and quiet”, that and “Haven’t you gone yet?” like I’m some sort of servant,” I replied.

“You didn’t expect him to be grateful for all your efforts did you?” Velvet asked.

“I put a lot of work into getting the place in a fit state for Natasha,” I said. “She’d have killed him if she’d seen the place looking like that.”

“No, she wouldn’t,” said Velvet. “She knows what he’s like and that he wont lift a finger to clean the place, so she will expect a mess when she gets back. She wont like it, but it wont come as a surprise.”

“And now she’s going to find it clean and tidy,” I replied.

“That depends on how much longer she’s away,” said Velvet. “It hasn’t taken him long to trash the place, it wont take him long to do it again.”

“I suppose not,” I sighed. “And she’s probably going to be away for a few more months.”

“Exactly, nothing to worry about,” Velvet smiled.

“All that effort,” I said.

“It can’t have been all you working and him leaving you to it?” she asked.

“No, he was quiet chatty at first,” I remembered.

“Then he got tired and confused,” said Velvet. “Don’t take it personally, it’s just that as the day wears on he gets tired and forgets who people are.”

“So I was just the cleaner?” I asked. “The hired hand?”

“Not someone to talk to, or even be polite to,” said Velvet.

“Mum’s side of the family is just so much hard work,” I sighed.

“And that bag?” Velvet asked.

“Even more dirty washing. I thought we’d got everything, but I hadn’t gone upstairs to ferret it out,” I explained.

“You changed their bed,” said Velvet, taking a quick look through it.

“He’d been eating in it,” I explained. “So it will probably be equally mess in a week.”

“I’ve put some tea in the oven for you and put all your washing away,” smiled Velvet.

“And the rest,” I said looking round. “You are a saint.”

“Have your tea, relax, unwind and then get some sleep,” said Velvet. “I’ll get Malcolm’s washing done, even if the old idiot doesn’t deserve it, you do for trying to get to know him.”

“Thanks,” I yawned.

“I’ll send it to their house with strict instructions for it all to put itself away,” Velvet laughed.

“That would be interesting to see,” I said. “Especially if he were awake to see it.”

“I shall do my best,” laughed Velvet.


By Janice Nye © 2020



Tuesday 15 September 2020

The Fairy Godmother Part 79



For the second morning I woke up not entirely sure where I was, but as my eyes began to focus I realised that I was in my own room and Mum was not the only one who needed to do some serious housework.
After breakfast I decided to change the bed clothes, I couldn’t remember when I had last changed them, so I decided that today would be a good day to do it. Then I piled up all the clothes and towels that needed washing on the sheet. There was more there than I thought there would be, so I took them down to the laundry.
“I was wondering when I would see you again,” said Velvet taking the laundry and handing it over to one of the many workers.
“I’ve been very busy,” I replied.
“So I heard,” said Velvet. “And what have you found out?”
“Half of my family are sane and reasonable and the others are certifiable,” I replied.
“And now what?” Velvet asked.
“Good question,” I said. “I have absolutely no idea.”
“And is that why you are cleaning up?” Velvet asked.
“No,” I smiled. “As you know, I helped Mum clean her rooms out yesterday and when I woke up this morning I realised mine could do with the same treatment.”
“Mum?” asked Velvet.
“Enid,” I replied.
“I know who she is, but you’ve never called her Mum before,” Velvet replied.
“She never felt like my Mum before,” I admitted.
“And now she does?” asked Velvet.
“After seeing her parents and the way they treated her,” I shook my head.
“They were always hard on her,” Velvet agreed.
“I think I understand her a bit better,” I said.
“You think?” Velvet asked.
“She’s always been such a strong person, very much “my way or the wrong way”,” I said trying to work out how to explain. “Now, somehow she is vulnerable, I don’t know if that makes any sense.”
“Some,” said Velvet. “So what about Natasha and Malcolm?”
“You know that magazine I’ve been working with?” I asked.
“Yes, I saw that first edition, you did a very good job with it,” said Velvet. “Haven’t quite got around to the second yet, as you know I am quiet busy.”
“I got Natasha to help with the second and a few more,” I smiled.
“How did you get her to do that!” asked Velvet.
“I told her that she was the best interior designer, that the Editor’s wife wanted to revamp their home and would she do some articles for the magazine about it,” I said.
“And she couldn’t say no,” laughed Velvet. “You have a talent for getting people to do things. What did Malcolm think?”
“He’d get a bit of peace and quiet,” I sighed.
“What’s wrong?” asked Velvet.
“I just don’t understand him,” I replied.
“What’s to understand?” asked Velvet.
“They are a couple, yet he doesn’t mind when she disappears off working,” I said.
“He knows she’s happy doing what she enjoys rather than sitting at home getting board and restless,” said Velvet.
“So he’s happy because she’s happy?” I asked.
“Yes,” smiled Velvet.
“But wont he be board when she’s not there?” I asked.
“He might be, after a while, or he might be busy doing all those little things he couldn’t get done whilst she was at home,” said Velvet. “If you’re worried about him why don’t you just drop in on him?”
“My room’s a mess,” I replied. “I really aught to sort it out.”
“That sounds like an excuse,” said Velvet. “Your room has been a mess for quite a while, I’ve heard the maids speaking and, knowing Malcolm, a visit to him is never going to last long, you could do it in less time than it’s taken to talk to me.”
“You don’t think I’m being stupid or something?” I asked.
“Perhaps, but only for spending ages debating on it,” Velvet replied. “He’s your Grandfather, you don’t need any other excuse to see him.”


I knocked on my Grandparents front door and waited.
“Oh, it’s you!” said Malcolm looking disappointed. “For a moment I thought she was back,” he added turning round and walking back into their front room. The room looked untidy, there were the remains of a take-away on the coffee table and several mugs littered around the room.
“Good job it was me,” I said. “I don’t think she’d like to find the place looking like this,” or you looking like that. He looked tired and unshaven, his hair looked like it would benefit from seeing a comb and his clothes were splattered with food, possible some of the take-away that hadn’t quite made it from container to mouth.
“It’s just housework,” said Malcolm.
“So, you’ll either have to find a cleaner to do it, or learn to do it yourself,” I replied.
“Natasha wont have a cleaner in the house, she doesn’t trust them to do it right,” he replied shaking his head and then looking like he regretted it.
“Then you’ll have to do it,” I replied.
“But, it’s women’s work!” he replied.
“If you mean by that that men are incapable of doing it?” I asked.
“It’s something women know about, but men don’t,” he tried to explain.
“How about I give you a lesson in housework,” I said.
“I don’t know,” he looked uncertain.
“It would save you from one hell of a row when Natasha gets back,” I replied. “She might feel that she can’t leave you alone if the place looks like this when she does.”
“But she enjoys her work,” he said.
“So we clean up before she gets here,” I said, picking up the remains of the the first of the take-ways. “Where is the bin and what day does it get emptied?”
“I’m not sure,” he said. “She always puts things in the bin.”
“It doesn’t take much doing,” I replied.
“I don’t know which bin to put what in,” he snapped. “When I was young there was one bin and everything went in it, now there’s, I don’t know how may bins and boxes, I don’t know what goes in which, all I do know is that if you get it wrong they wont empty it and you get a hefty fine as well.”
“It’s very simple,” I said.
“Are you saying I’m stupid?” snapped Malcolm.
“No,” I replied. I might be thinking it, but I haven’t said it. “Natasha did all that sort of thing and she, obviously, didn’t leave you instructions about it or you’d have followed them, you can’t be expected to know what you haven’t been told about. Shall we start?”
“I will not have it be said that I did the housework in my own home,” said Malcolm.
“I wont tell if you don’t,” I replied. “Now, will you help me?” I asked.
“Well, of course,” Malcolm replied. “Can’t have my little granddaughter doing any heavy lifting or anything.”
“Right,” I said. “Now we have that sorted, lets start with the rubbish.”
“Why do we have to start with that?” he asked.
“Everybody has to start somewhere and it smells the most,” I replied.
“What about the laundry, some of my socks can be a bit on the wiffy side, at least that’s what Natasha says, I wouldn’t know about it,” Malcolm mumbled.
“OK,” I said handing him a bin bag. “Start putting the laundry in that.”
“What are you going to do with it?” he asked.
“I’ll send it to the Fairy Laundry,” I replied.
“Are they any good?” he asked.
“A Fairy Godmother has to look perfect at all times,” I replied. “That means we have to have a laundry service that is second to none.
“But will Natasha approve of it?” Malcolm asked.
“It is run by Velvet,” I replied. “My Father’s second wife.”
“You mean the one he did marry,” said Malcolm. “I remember her well, very precise she always put her best into whatever she was doing.”
“Exactly,” I said. “So you can expect her to do not just a good job, but the best job possible.”
“Definitely,” he smiled. I got the impression this was something I might have to ask Velvet about, then again, I might no want to know the answer.
“Is this everything?” I asked half an hour later.
“All the stray undies from under the bed, tea towels from behind the kitchen cupboards, table clothes from up the chimney,” he said counting his fingers.
“And the bath towels from behind the sofa,” I added.
“Nearly forgot those,” he said, ticking them off on his fingers as well, I feel as though I aught to ask how things got in such odd places, but I’m not sure I’d like the answers I’d get. “I think that’s everything,” he said, looking into the bin bag.
“I’ll send them off to Velvet, if we find anything else it can go in the next load,” I replied giving my wand a quick wave, I just hoped she wouldn’t mind doing them. “Now, the bins and no more procrastinating.”

By Janice Nye © 2020

Monday 14 September 2020

The Fairy Godmother Part 78



“Where am I?” I thought, my eyes gradually focusing on a ceiling that I didn’t recognise. There was a knock on the door.
“Are you awake?” came Enid’s voice and then I remembered where I was.
“Only just,” I replied with a yawn.
“What do you normally have for breakfast?” Enid asked.
“Tea and toast,” I said. “But don’t worry, I can always go to the canteen.”
“I can do tea and toast,” Enid replied. “I don’t have any jam or marmalade though.”
“It’s OK, I just have toast and butter,” I replied, getting dressed quickly. “I’ll be with you in a minute.”
“The bathroom’s across the hall from your room,” she said. When I looked out the hall was empty, but there was a clean towel in the bathroom, so I set about tidying myself in readiness for tea and toast.


“What are your plans for today?” Enid asked after we finished the tea and I took the dishes to the sink.
“Shall I wash and you dry?” I asked.
“OK,” she sighed. “But I was just going to wave my wand over them.”
“And you complained to me about excessive wand use,” I said filling the sink with hot water, there were a few dishes in there that looked as if they’d been there a few days at least. I don’t know why I missed them the day before.
“You needn’t bother with some of the older dishes,” Enid said. “I’ll do them later.”
“I’ve got a sink full of hot water,” I smiled. “I may as well wash those as well,” I added, putting the plates to the bottom in the hope that the hot water would loosen up whatever it was that was stuck to them.”
“If you must,” she sighed, looking round for a clean tea towel, fortunately there was a knock on the door.
“Hello Enid,” said Velvet holding out a bag of laundry. “You brought this lot down yesterday.”
“Thank-you,” said Enid, opening up the bag probably looking for tea towels, there didn’t seem to be any clean ones in the kitchen.
“I was beginning to think you’d found someone else to do your washing for you,” said Velvet, not moving from the door step.
“No,” said Enid. “I don’t think anyone could wash anything cleaner than you. I’ve just been a bit busy lately and I forgot to take them down. Thank-you for being so prompt.”
“No problem,” Velvet smiled, finally walking away.
“If I knew anyone else who did laundry I’d take them there,” Enid muttered.
“Why?” I asked. “As you said, she does a very good job.”
“But she’s always asking questions,” said Enid. “Here are the tea towels, at the bottom of the bag!”
“There are some dishes to dry,” I replied pointing to the draining board. “You know where they all go.”
“Of course,” said Enid, picking up a plate, drying it and then searching through the cupboards to find out where to put it, just like I would have done. I carried on with the washing without comment.
“So what are your plans for today?” asked Enid again when she found a cupboard with plates in.
“I thought I’d better check up on the magazine, see how they are coping with Natasha,” I said.
“Good luck,” said Enid, almost dropping the plate as she reached up to put it away.
“Do you want to come with me and see her at work?” I asked.
“I’ve seen her at work before,” Enid replied. “I’ll miss on that, if you don’t mind.”
“I’m sure it wont be that bad,” I smiled, though I wasn’t entirely sure about the matter myself.
“They may be lucky, if they remember to worship the ground she treads on and do exactly what she tells them to do without questioning anything,” said Enid.
“What are you going to do?” I asked in return.
“I thought I’d potter round here, do any housework we missed out on,” said Enid looking around her.
“I’ll give you a hand,” I smiled.
“But what about the magazine?” asked Enid.
“They thought they could get along without me,” I replied. “I shall give them the chance to do that and come in at the last minute, so if they need some help, I’ll be there.”
“Sounds like a good idea to me,” Enid smiled.


Everything was running smoothly when I arrived at the printing press. The magazine was being printed and the first batches were being loaded into vans for delivery. I have to admit to feeling slightly disappointed that my assistance wasn’t needed, then again, I had set it all up so that everything would run smoothly, so I should have felt pleased that my planning had worked.
“Natasha is wonderful,” said the Editor. “Everything ready to go, in plenty of time, I’m going to be home before midnight for the first time ever.”
“Glad it’s all worked so well.” I replied. “Where are the girls?”
“Georgie has gone off with my Grandson and Juliet has gone home,” said the Editor. “I would have thought they’d all go off together to celebrate, but for some reason Juliet thought she’d be a gooseberry if she went with them,” he added looking puzzled.
“Georgie and your Grandson seem to be a couple,” I tried to explain. “I think Juliet felt she’d be in the way.”
“Nonsense,” the Editor laughed.
“I think Juliet has her heart set on someone,” I said trying to turn the conversation away from the Editors Grandson and Georgie.
And he isn’t paying any attention to her?” the Editor asked much to my surprise.
“I don’t think so,” I replied.
“Then he’s an idiot,” the Editor replied.
“That I wouldn’t argue with,” I smiled. “The problem is to get him to notice her.”
“Who is this man?” asked the Editor.
“He is the photographer for the other magazine,” I tried to explain.
“You mean the ex-photographer for the other magazine,” the Editor smiled. “They sacked him this morning. The editor blamed him for the drop in sales.”
“From what I understand, he was the main reason the magazine was selling any copies in the first place,” I said.
“I was thinking of offering him a job, that is if he is prepared to work with Juliet,” the Editor smiled. “She is the one who has the best ideas for layout and photographs.”
“Sounds like she’s spending a lot of time here,” I said. “What does the bookshop owner think of that.”
“She packed in her job there, she’s working full time here now,” the Editor explained. “Hadn’t they told you?”
“I’ve had a few family issues to sort out,” I smiled. “And they seemed to be managing without me, so I left them to it. They knew how to contact me if they needed to.”
“They said you were upset,” said the Editor.
“The idea of the Fairy Godmother is to steer people in the right direction and let them get on with it,” I explained.
“I told them they aught to invite you to join in the celebrations,” said the Editor. “They said you wouldn’t want to, but I said it doesn’t hurt to ask.”
“Instead they left me sitting around waiting for them to come back and tell me how things had gone,” I sighed.
“Very inconsiderate,” he said. “So you’re here to see if they’ve mad a mess of things?”
“I know that makes me sound bad,” I said. “But, I didn’t leave it too late to sort things out.”
“But not without magic,” he replied.
“Like I said. Family problems, I forgot it was printing day today,” I replied smiling hopefully.
“I believe you,” he smiled.
“Tell them I called round,” I said.
“I will when I see them,” he smiled as I disappeared back to my room. Everything was sorted, but somehow it didn’t feel as if I had given them there happy ever after, it didn’t feel properly finished.

By Janice Nye © 2020

Monday 7 September 2020

The Fairy Godmother Part 77



“Have you two quite finished?” asked the she wolf.
“I think so,” I said. “How about you Mum?”
“I feel miles better,” said Enid. “Ready to face anything and that includes my Mother.”
“Good,” said the she wolf. “You’re keeping my little ones awake.”
“Sorry about that,” I said. “But I thought wolves always howled at the moon.”
“They do, but when they are older, it’s been hell trying to explain that they can join in in a couple of full moons time,” the she wolf explained. “And their Father is getting rather annoyed, he normally comes here to howl.”
“We’d better leave you in peace,” I said, getting ready to wave my wand.
“Don’t forget to put that fire out before you go, it’s amazing how much those things can spread, we haven’t had any rain in months and everything is tinder dry,” the she wolf warned.
“Of course,” I said, getting rid of the campfire.
“Don’t suppose you could drop a bit of rain on the place,” the she wolf asked. “There’s plenty of it up in the clouds, but we need it down here.”
“No sooner the word than the deed,” I said waving my wand twice, we disappeared before the rain got to where we were standing, the thank-you from the she wolf echoed after us.
“You’re always doing that,” said Enid as we appeared in her rooms.
“Doing what?” I asked.
“Helping,” Enid said. “I’d have just left the camp fire and gone.”
“But that would have been irresponsible,” I replied.
“That’s the difference between us,” Enid smiled. “You think of these things and I don’t.”
“You could always change that,” I replied.
“How?” she asked.
“Think of what I would do and then do it,” I explained, she gave me a look that said told me it would never happen.
“So what do we do next?” she asked.
“I was thinking of getting something to drink and then going to bed,” I replied.
“I don’t think alcohol is a good idea,” said Enid.
“I was thinking more like hot chocolate,” I said. “All that howling has left me with a slightly sore throat.”
“Sounds like a good idea,” said Enid, waving her wand and two mugs of hot chocolate appeared on the coffee table. “I have a guest room,” she added. “Would you like to stay the night?”
“That would be very nice Mum,” I said.
“You never called me Mum before,” said Enid.
“You never felt like my Mother before,” I said, picking up the mug. “I hope you don’t mind.”
“No, it’s nice,” said Enid taking me through to the guest room. “Good night.”
“Good night,” I said, looking round the room. We hadn’t done much in there because the room hadn’t been used and therefore there wasn’t any rubbish in it, just dust. I walked over to the bed and pulled back the covers a cloud of dust arose and I waved my wand to clear it from the
room. Looking in the drawers I found a nightie which was just my size, so I got changed and went to sleep.
“I wonder how long this has been here,” I thought as I drifted off.


I knew it was a dream because Lily was there and she was talking to a much younger Malcolm and Natasha.
“I tell you Enid’s pregnant!” Lily shouted.
“Who’s the Father?” asked Malcolm. “As far as I know she doesn’t know many men, at least not that well.”
“She’s fixated on that artist, I forget his name, he’s been doing sculptures in the library,” Lily replied. “Don’t you know anything about your daughter.
“Don’t be silly,” said Natasha. “She hardly knows that waste of space.”
“She’s been obsessed with him for the last five years at least,” said Lily. “I thought she’d forget about him when I got her sent off to help out with Santa, but as soon as she got back she went in search of him.”
“Are you sure she’s pregnant?” asked Malcolm.
“Yes,” snapped Lily. “I can spot the symptoms, I’ve gone through them myself.”
“You must understand, that pregnancy wasn’t a good idea,” said Natasha. “You were not stable enough to carry the baby.”
“I would have liked to have the chance,” Lily sighed.
“Rosie is a very good child and having shared a womb with a human meant that the illness didn’t end her,” said Natasha.
“If I’d been allowed to carry her, she might not have fallen ill in the first place,” Lily said.
“Unlikely,” said Natasha.
“What’s this got to do with Enid?” asked Malcolm.
“I don’t see why she should be allowed to carry a child when I wasn’t allowed to,” said a rather petulant sounding Lily.
“This relationship, if there is one and I don’t think there is one outside Enid’s imagination. This relationship is far to new to warrant Enid getting herself with child,” said Natasha. “You are seeing babies where none exist.”
“Just like you to laugh at what I’m say,” said Lily. “You never believe me when it’s something about your beloved Enid.”
“Not that old chestnut,” said Natasha looking at the ceiling. “We do not have favourites.”
“You’ll see I’m right,” shouted Lily and dashed out of the room sobbing.
“Is it her time of the month?” Malcolm asked.
“And what do you know about time of the month?” Natasha asked coldly.
“It’s what some of the men say when their wives are having a strop,” he said.
“And what else do they say?” Natasha asked.
“That they’ll calm down in a week or so,” Malcolm replied.
“Well, if that is the problem, Lily will be prepared to listen to reason in a week and I’ll talk to her then,” said Natasha.
“Right,” said Malcolm. “I’ll leave you to deal with it then.”
“Yes, like you always do,” Natasha smiled.
The scene faded to darkness, but returned, through the windows I could see snow falling, so it must have been a few months later. Enid came in through the front door carrying a baby, she looked like an early photo of me. The only baby photo of me.
“Where on earth did you get that from!” asked Natasha.
“This is my daughter Myrtle and I gave birth to her three weeks ago,” Enid smiled.
“What on earth have you brought it here for!” Natasha snapped.
“I thought you’d like to meet your granddaughter,” Enid said, stoking my hand.
“Why would we want to do that?” asked Malcolm.
“Because she’s your granddaughter,” Enid replied.
“Babies take up a lot of time,” Natasha explained. “You’d be better off dropping her off at the nursery. Eve’s working there now, she’ll take care of it.”
“Myrtle is my daughter,” Enid snapped. “She is not an “it” and I will take care of her.”
“I hope her Father is going to help you,” said Natasha. “Because you’ll never manage by yourself.”
“I can’t imagine Father was much help when you were bringing up Lily and I,” said Enid.
“He wasn’t, but I had Eve to take care of you, I didn’t have to waste my time with that sort of thing. You, I assume will be doing it all yourself,” said Natasha.
“I was hopping that you might give me a hand occasionally?” Enid asked.
“Forget it,” said Natasha. “You brought this baby into the world without bothering to ask us, so you can look after it.”
“Thanks for nothing Mother,” shouted Enid, walking out of the door and slamming it shut behind her. I started screaming.
“I hope she isn’t going to bring that noisy brat back here,” said Malcolm.
“Not if I have anything to do with it,” said Natasha.
“Thank-you dear,” said Malcolm and then the scene faded.
“What the hell was that?” I thought and drifted back to sleep.

By Janice Nye © 2020