I had just wreaked some semblance of order on my Grandparents home when I got a text message from Velvet.
“YOUR WASHING AND THAT OF ENID’S PARENTS IS DONE, WHERE DO YOU WANT THEM SENDING OR DO YOU INTEND TO COLLECT?”
“I’d better get back to them,” I told Malcolm, stepping out into the garden whilst he sat in what must have been his favourite seat, he seemed to spend a lot of time on it.
“Hello Velvet,” I said as soon as she answered.
“I didn’t know whether to ring you or what,” she replied.
“Thanks,” I said.
“Where are you?” she asked.
“In my Grandparents garden,” I replied. “Don’t tell anyone, but the place was a bit of a mess, Malcolm doesn’t do housework and Natasha hasn’t been back long enough to notice the state it’s in.”
“So you’ve been cleaning up after someone else again,” said Velvet.
“I thought they’d have an enormous row when Natasha got back and saw it and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone,” I replied. “Also, I do feel a bit responsible.”
“You are just too nice,” Velvet replied. “Do you want me to send their washing there.”
“If you could,” I said. “Then I can get everything tidied away before I leave.”
“And your stuff?” she asked.
“I’ll come and pick it up,” I said yawning loudly.
“Let me know when you are leaving and I’ll take it to your rooms, along with something for you to eat,” Velvet told me and then hung up.
“Something just appeared in the living room,” said Malcolm looking confused.
“It’s your laundry,” I smiled.
“What are you going to do with it?” he asked, not what should I do with it, I noticed.
“I shall put it away,” I smiled.
“Oh well, you’re a woman, you should know where this sort of thing goes,” he said going back to his chair and picking up the newspaper. I felt tempted to leave it where it was and let him face the music, but I had a feeling she would blame me for it. Also, it gave me an excuse to look round the house.
“Do you have an airing cupboard?” I asked.
“What one of those?” he asked.
“A cupboard that you put freshly washed clothes in,” I said.
“I wouldn’t know,” said Malcolm. “Natasha deals with that sort of thing.”
“So where have you been getting clean towels from whilst Natasha’s been away?” I asked.
“I didn’t know towels got dirty,” he said, so I gave up and got the bag of laundry to follow me up the stairs.
“I’ll start by opening every door till I find something that looks like a clothes store,” I thought to myself.
The first door was the bathroom, I changed the hand towels and flannels, I couldn’t see any bath towels on show and put the mucky ones in a pile on the landing.
Next was a guest room, the bed was unmade and there were no towels in sight. Somehow I found it hard to imagine anyone visiting. Next was another guest room, equally devoid of things that needed washing. Lastly was their bedroom. It looked as if Malcolm had just got undressed and left his clothes on the floor. It also looked as if he had been eating in bed and washing it down with the odd glass of something. The bed was covered in crumbs and food stains and the bedside tables were covered in used glasses. Somehow, I thought the pile of washing I’d sent of earlier wasn’t everything.
It took an hour to get the room in some sort of state of tidiness and to get all the clean things from the laundry put away in the right places. I put the mucky stuff in the laundry bag and went back down to the living room. Malcolm was snoring in front of a roaring fire and I had the job of waking him up before I left. It didn’t look like it was going to be an easy.
I tried blowing on his face, to see if that had a result, nothing. Shaking his arm gently, he rolled over onto it, but didn’t wake up.
“Malcolm,” I tried calling. No effect, so I shouted. Nothing what-so-ever.
I tried ringing his phone, not that I expected anything to come of it, not when I head the ring tone, but I was wrong, he snapped awake with a start.
“What is it!” he snapped, reaching round for the mobile.
“You were asleep,” I said.
“What of it!” he snapped. “Can’t a man sleep in his own home!”
“I just wanted to tell you I was going,” I replied. “I’ve got some more washing to get done. There are clean towels in the bathroom and kitchen. I’ve changed the bed clothes in your and Natasha’s room and collected up even more clothes to be washed.”
“And now you’re off?” Malcolm asked.
“Yes,” I smiled.
“Good,” he snapped. “Now I’ll be able to get some peace.”
“The washing will be returned when it’s done,” I said.
“Are you still here?” he asked. I waved my wand and departed, ringing Velvet as soon as I got to my room.
“I thought you were going to ring before you came back,” said Velvet, looking up from the dusting.
“I was going to, but that man got me so annoyed,” I sighed. “What are you doing here?”
“I am doing what you were doing at Malcolm’s,” she replied. “What did he do to annoy you?”
“You mean apart from having absolutely no idea about anything to do with house keeping?” I asked.
“He’s a man,” said Velvet. “Men of his age generally leave that to the women folk.”
“That’s what he kept saying,” I replied.
“So what was the final straw?” she asked.
“I had to wake him up to tell him I was leaving and all he could say was “Good, he’d get some peace and quiet”, that and “Haven’t you gone yet?” like I’m some sort of servant,” I replied.
“You didn’t expect him to be grateful for all your efforts did you?” Velvet asked.
“I put a lot of work into getting the place in a fit state for Natasha,” I said. “She’d have killed him if she’d seen the place looking like that.”
“No, she wouldn’t,” said Velvet. “She knows what he’s like and that he wont lift a finger to clean the place, so she will expect a mess when she gets back. She wont like it, but it wont come as a surprise.”
“And now she’s going to find it clean and tidy,” I replied.
“That depends on how much longer she’s away,” said Velvet. “It hasn’t taken him long to trash the place, it wont take him long to do it again.”
“I suppose not,” I sighed. “And she’s probably going to be away for a few more months.”
“Exactly, nothing to worry about,” Velvet smiled.
“All that effort,” I said.
“It can’t have been all you working and him leaving you to it?” she asked.
“No, he was quiet chatty at first,” I remembered.
“Then he got tired and confused,” said Velvet. “Don’t take it personally, it’s just that as the day wears on he gets tired and forgets who people are.”
“So I was just the cleaner?” I asked. “The hired hand?”
“Not someone to talk to, or even be polite to,” said Velvet.
“Mum’s side of the family is just so much hard work,” I sighed.
“And that bag?” Velvet asked.
“Even more dirty washing. I thought we’d got everything, but I hadn’t gone upstairs to ferret it out,” I explained.
“You changed their bed,” said Velvet, taking a quick look through it.
“He’d been eating in it,” I explained. “So it will probably be equally mess in a week.”
“I’ve put some tea in the oven for you and put all your washing away,” smiled Velvet.
“And the rest,” I said looking round. “You are a saint.”
“Have your tea, relax, unwind and then get some sleep,” said Velvet. “I’ll get Malcolm’s washing done, even if the old idiot doesn’t deserve it, you do for trying to get to know him.”
“Thanks,” I yawned.
“I’ll send it to their house with strict instructions for it all to put itself away,” Velvet laughed.
“That would be interesting to see,” I said. “Especially if he were awake to see it.”
“I shall do my best,” laughed Velvet.
By Janice Nye © 2020
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