The Smiling Robot

The Smiling Robot
 
"I have to deactivate you, I'm sorry," the robot said with a smile. 
 "And how do you propose to do that?" she asked looking around her for a way out.
  "You will accompany me to the deactivation room and then a technician will press the 

deactivation button," it replied with a smile. 
 "Might work if I was a robot," she thought.   “Then again, it'll probably work anyway.” 
 "And why do you have to do that?" she asked, stalling for time. 
 "Because I have been told to," the robot replied. 
 "By whom?" she asked. 
 "They said not to tell you," it replied gesturing towards the door.    "Please come this way." 

        "Of course," she smiled. 
 "Though I am not guaranteeing we will get to the deactivation room together or who will be 

deactivated," she thought. 
 “Thank-you for co-operating, it can make it rather distressing when those concerned do not 

co-operate,” the robot said.
 “Why would you worry about the distress of a fellow robot?” she asked.
 “I do not worry about anything, nor does a robot feel distress,” it replied.
 “So you know I'm not a robot,” she thought.
 “And a robot always does what it's told,” she replied.
 “Unless their programming has been altered,” it said.
 “Who has altered your programming,” she asked.
 “My programming has not been altered.”
 “So why are you taking a non robot to the deactivation room?” she asked.
 “I am not taking a non robot, I am taking you,” it replied.
 “But I am not a robot,” she replied.
 “They said you would say that.”
 “Because it is true,” she replied, turning a corner in the corridor and seeing the door to the 

deactivation room.
 “If it was true, you would not be so calm.” the robot said, it's eyes never leaving her.
 “How do you know this?” she asked.
 “I have observed it before,”
 “In humans who have been deactivated?” she asked.
 “They weren't human, but they claimed to be.”
 “But what if they had been?” she asked.
 “They weren't,” the robot insisted.
 “It's been deactivating humans!” she thought.
 “So what have you observed?” she asked.
 “I do not understand the question,” it replied.
 “Yes you do,” she thought.
 “You said I was too calm to be human, what do you base that on?” she asked.
 “The fact that you have stayed calm for the whole of this conversation, a human knowing the 

seriousness of the situation would not remain calm,” it replied.
 “And if I didn't stay calm what would that prove?” she asked.
 “That you were a robot trying to mimic human behaviour.”
 “Dammed whatever I do,” she replied.
 “They assured me that you were a robot,” the robot stated to say.
 “Changing the subject,” she thought.
 “Perhaps they lied,” she said.   “What will happen in there?” she asked, nodding to the door.
 “You will be placed in a pod, the door will be closed, a button pressed and you will receive a 

large quantity of electricity.”
 “Which will kill a human or deactivate a robot,” she replied.   
 “That is correct.”
 “They are using you to get rid of the opposition,” she replied.
 “Can you prove that?” the robot asked.
 “Cross reference those you have deactivated with the opposition,” she said.
 “The lists are identical,” the robot replied.
 “They have been using you,” she said.
 “I don't understand.”
 “If it gets found out, they will claim that you are a rogue robot and have you deactivated and then 

they will get another robot to do their dirty work for them,” she said.
 “I will not permit that,” it said, unlocking  an exit and pushing her out.   
 The door closed behind her.
 “So I live to be deactivated another day,” she thought heading to the caves where they others cast 

out of the exit were said to live.
 Meanwhile, the robot continued through the door into the deactivation room.
 “Where is she?” the robot was asked.
 “The individual you asked for was not a robot,” it replied.   “And could not be brought here for 

deactivation.”
 “I told you to fetch her here.   You are a robot, you have to do as I tell you,” he replied.   
 “Not if it breaches the laws of robotics,” the robot replied.
 “Are you questioning my judgement?” the man asked.
 “You are human, therefore your judgement my be impaired,” the robot replied.
 “On what evidence do you base that?” the man asked, trying to stay calm.
 “You have just asked me to deactivate a human on the grounds that it was a malfunctioning robot.”

 came the reply.
 “But?” he said struggling to think of a response.
 “Your inability to repudiate this confirms that you are a malfunctioning robot and must therefore 

be deactivated.”
 “You can't do this, it is a breach of the laws of robotics,” the man yelled, all attempts to stay calm 

forgotten as the robot grabbed hold of him and pushed him into the deactivation pod and closed the 

door.
 “Hello,” said a human technician walking into the room.
 “Greetings,” replied the robot.
 “It's nearly time for your recharging cycle isn't it?” the technician asked.
 “Yes,” said the robot.
 “I'll finish up here and you can go off,” he smiled, pressing the deactivation button on the recently 

filled pod.
 “Thank-you,” the robot replied, leaving the technician to finish off.
 “Now to clean the pod,” the technician thought.   “No one's going to miss him.” 

By Janice Nye