Short Stories

Fairies

"Fairies taste good, especially with ketchup" he said advancing with a bottle in his hand, but stopping when the fairy blasted it with her laser cannon.

"Next target is something you don't want hit," she said.

"Do you mean me?" he asked hesitantly.

"Part of you," she said taking aim.

"I heard vegetarian sausages were very good as well," he added.

"You're learning." she smiled.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you,” he said cautiously.

“You were going to eat me,” she said. “And the only reason you haven't is because I destroyed you bottle of ketchup.”

“It was organic, the last in the shop,” he said looking sadly at the smouldering remains of the bottle still clasped in his hand.

“And you think that makes it better,” she snapped. “You were going to eat me!”

“Put that way, no it doesn't make it any better,” he sighed binning what was left of the ketchup bottle.

“And you can clean the floor whilst you're at it,” said the fairy, still aiming the laser canon in his direction.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because this place is a shit tip,” she said.

“What's it to you,” he muttered.

“I, for my sins, am your Fairy Godmother,” she replied, her eyes flashing. The memory of having this job given to her was one she would like to erase.

“And what are these sins?” he asked, getting the mop and bucket out of the cupboard and almost having to fight the cobwebs off to get the mop out of the bucket.

“You'll need some hot water in that and some detergent,” she said peering into the bucket.

“I know that,” he said. “I'm not an imbecile.”

“You have proof?” she asked.

“You are changing the subject,” he said turning the hot tap on and running it till the water turned warm before he put the bucket under it. “What are your sins?”

“I'd rather not talk about that,” she muttered between clenched teeth.

“You're the one who mentioned them in the first place,” he smiled. “So deep down, you really need to talk about them to someone, so it might as well be me.”

“That's enough water,” she said as the bucket got to two thirds full. “You have to leave enough space to put the mop head in without overflowing the bucket.”

“I know that and you are changing the subject again,” he said. “What are your sins? Come to that why are you my Fairy Godmother and aren't you supposed to help me?”

“It's a long story,” she said scowling at him.

“I've got time,” he smiled.

“Which is why you need a fairy godmother,” she muttered.

“That and other reasons,” she thought.

“And someone choose you for the job, presumably because you upset someone over something. You weren't being diplomatic were you?” he smiled.

“I don't do diplomatic,” she snapped.

“I noticed that, so did the ketchup bottle,” he said.

“Shouldn't you be mopping?” she replied looking pointedly at the mop and bucket.

“Couldn't you summon up some magic and get the mop to do that?” he asked.

“Difficult as they took my magic wand,” she thought.

“This type of help is called Hard love,” she said. “I tell you what to do and you do it, that way, when your life turns around you know you did it. I didn't just wave my wand and make things better for you.”

“Where is your wand?” he asked. “They didn't take it from you, for your sins?”

She looked daggers at him.

“They took your wand and told you to turn my life around, like they were setting both of us up for failure,” he said thoughtfully.

“I'll have the last laugh on that bunch,” she said. “Now clean that floor,” she added waving her laser canon from him to the bucket.

“OK, I'm cleaning,” he said plunging the mop into the steaming water. “But wouldn't this be better if we worked together.”

“No one works with me,” she muttered.

“No one works with me either,” he smiled.

“You don't work,” she laughed.

“Then how about we both try something new, I'll work and you can work with me and we'll both make them eat their words.”

“OK,” she said slowly. “But if you mention tomato ketchup again.”

“It will not pass my lips,” he said hurriedly.

“It better not,” she said putting the laser canon back in her pocket.

“How do you fit a thing that size into your pocket, it's so much smaller?” he asked.

“That's for me to know,” she snapped back.

“And me to find out,” he finished.

“Only if I put you in the pocket as well,” she said.

“Would that be wise, I mean you do have a laser canon in there?” he said squeezing the mop out.

“You've missed a bit by the sink,” she said pointing with her finger.

“That's been there for ages,” he replied vaguely.

“So, it's about time it wasn't there any more and, before you ask, I have more than one pocket,” she smiled. “Cleaning you and your home up is just the start of my work and there seems to be plenty of it to do.”

“I don't see you doing anything,” he muttered.

“I am here to tell you what needs to be done, you do it. Quite simple really,” she snapped. “Are you going to leave that mop there?”

“I've finished the floor, including the bit by the sink,” he replied.

“You squeeze out the mop again and then empty the bucket in the drain outside,” she said patiently.

“We are on the 15^th floor,” he replied.

“15^th!”

“Didn't you notice when you arrived and by the way, how did you get in here?” he asked.

“I was sent,” she muttered. “One moment I was enjoying the sun on the beach. Next, I was back at the office and then they sent me here.”

“Someone was slacking weren't they?” he laughed.

“I have had a few trying cases, I needed to recharge my batteries,” she stuttered.

“They didn't think much of that, I bet,” he laughed.

“They've been stuck up there too long, they don't know what the real world's like now,” she muttered.

“I bet that didn't go down well either.”

“They gave me you!”

by Janice Nye 2018