So, what's the catch

 So, what’s the catch

“So what’s the catch?” I asked myself as the smiling sales person looked around the desk for a pen with which to sign on the bottom line.

“Doesn’t seem to be a pen here,” they smiled. “I shall see if one of my co-workers has one.” they added, heading off.

“Don’t worry,” I said looking at the document again.

“If something looks too good to be true, it usually is,” it’s something I was taught at Primary school, that and don’t sign anything till you have read it and understood it thoroughly. Taking that advice to heart, I reread the document looking for the catch and wondered how I came to be there.

It all began when a card came through the post, inviting me to a free upgrade to my car, being as it had just failed it’s MOT, it sounded like a good idea. Now, looking at my car through the window room I was beginning to have my doubts. The timing seemed to good to be true, especially as it passed the following day without any problems or advisories.

“I found a pen,” said the smiling assistant.

“Where did you find that?” I asked.

“Actually, I went next door to the newsagents,” they admitted. “They were on sell off.”

“Useful,” I smiled at the pen being handed to me. “I haven’t seen what my car is being upgraded to.”

“You haven’t?” they asked.

“No,” I smiled. “I think, perhaps I should take a look, before signing.”

“Of course, it was very remiss of me, I do apologise,” they stumbled over their words and ushered me towards the parking lot.

“Are you sure this is it?” I asked, looking at something that was older than my car and looked as if it was only the muck that was holding it together.

“I’ll go and check,” the assistant replied. “Could you tell me what your objections to it are?”

“It’s neither use nor ornament,” I smiled. “I can drive my car, this would need a good wash before I could even see through the windows.”

“So that would be a deal breaker?” they asked.

“Yes,” I said.

“I’d better talk to my manger,” they smiled. “Would you care to wait inside?”

“It’d be better than waiting out here,” I smiled back at him. The sun might have been bright, but the temperature had failed to rise above freezing for the last week.

“I shan’t be long,” the assistant smiled, ushering me back into the show room. “Would you like a drink?”, they added pointing to the drinks machine.

“Thank-you, but no,” I smiled. “I’ll need to be going in half an hour, so if you can get some answers before then, I would be grateful.”

“Of course,” they said, hurrying off.

I was back at the sales desk, looking through the window at my car. The MOT people had put it through a car wash to make up for not passing it the first time. Some error in paperwork, they had explained it. The result was that, with the sun glinting on the windows, my car looked a much better prospect than their alternative.

“My manager said that car was a mistake,” the assistant smiled nervously, turning up without me noticing.

“That’s one way to describe it,” I smiled. “So what are you suggesting as a replacement to my car?”

“We have several electric bicycles,” the assistant started to say.

“I already have a bike,” I replied.

“But not an electric one!” they insisted. “Just think of the energy you’ll save!”

“I ride my bike for exercise, to keep fit,” I replied, the smile on my face beginning to feel rather fixed. “The day I need an electric motor for my bike is the day I will put it up for sale.”

“I don’t understand,” stuttered the assistant.

“I was offered an upgrade on my car,” I reminded them. “What you have offered me is not an upgrade.”

“An electric bike,” they started to say.

“Is no good for going to see my Father, it’s a 90 mile round trip and I have to be ready to go at any time of the day or night,” I explained.

“It is possible to do 90 miles on a bike,” they tried to explain.

“Not in the middle of the night and not when you may be responding to an emergency and not when you are me,” I snapped.

“Have you thought of moving closer to your Father?” they asked.

“This is about an upgrade to my car,” I replied, standing up. “What you have offered is nothing like an upgrade. I think that you have brought me here under false pretences, so I am leaving, with my car.”

“But you were going to sign this,” they said, pointing to the document on the desk.

“That!” I muttered, picking it up, taking it over to the shredder and feeding it through.

“But! But!” they muttered, looking confused.

“The deal sounded to good to be true and it was,” I smiled, heading for the door and my car.

“I’ll talk to my manager again,” the assistant stuttered. “I’m sure we can come to some sort of agreement.”

“I don’t think so,” I smiled.

“You agreed to sell your car to us,” a voice bellowed from a door at the back of the car show room.

“No I didn’t,” I said. “You offered to upgrade it and I said I’d take a look at the upgrades. What your assistant has shown me can, in no way, be described as an upgrade. You have wasted my time and tried my patience. I am leaving.”

“We have your signature,” the manager said, emerging from the office.

“No you don’t,” I said.

“I thought you got her to sign?” the manager said, addressing the assistant.

“We didn’t have a pen,” the assistant replied.

“Can’t sign anything without a pen,” I smiled.

“On the phone you said,” the manager started.

“I said that I would see what you had to offer,” I replied.

“Yes, you agreed to the swap,” the manager insisted.

“I agreed to consider it,” I replied. “Having looked at what you have on offer, I prefer to keep my car.”

“Is that the car you promised me?” asked another customer. I had seen him, through the window, looking at my car and getting more and more excited as he circled the vehicle.

“No.” I replied. “That is my car and it is not for sale.”

“But you promised,” the customer said, looking at the manager.

“I thought,” the manager said, looking at me.

“You thought you’d sell my car,” I said.

“And you might have, if you’d offered me something half way decent,” I thought walking out of the show room and driving off. “Good job they didn’t have a pen or I might have been caught out on that.”

by Janice Nye © 2023