The Fairy Godmother Part 18

“He’s reading?” Enid said, making me jump because I hadn’t realised she was there.

“He’s reading the instruction to the dishwasher and the washing machine,” I replied.

“And why is he doing that?” Enid asked.

“Because he needs to know how to use them if he is to keep the place in any semblance of order,” I said. “And because I threatened him with a laser canon if he didn’t,” I added and then started coughing again.

“Fairy Godmothers don’t cough,” said Enid.

“I think this is evidence to the contrary,” I replied.

“You need to get this place cleaned up and get out of here,” said Enid.

“And if I do that, which would take two ticks if I had my wand, if I did that it would be back to the same tip within two weeks,” I replied.

“And you think that getting him to read instruction manuals is going to prevent that?” she asked.

“He shouldn’t be dependant on a woman to look after him,” I replied starting to sneeze. “He should be able to look after himself. I shouldn’t think anyone wants to think of themselves as an unpaid servant, only there to put a meal on the table and do the ironing.”

“He doesn’t look like he needs much ironing,” said Enid looking at him.

“That’s another thing on the list of equipment he needs to know how to use,” I replied. “I’ve just got to find that and the ironing board first.”

“The Head of the Fairy Council sent me here to see if there is any way of speeding up your progress,” Enid said. “We have a lot of work to do and you aren’t the only fairy coughing.”

“So much for fairy’s don’t get colds,” I replied.

“I think it’s to do with the dust that was on the cobwebs,” Enid replied.

“They shouldn’t have been there,” I replied. “They are happy enough to tell others what to do, perhaps they should check their own house first.”

“I’d be careful what you say,” Enid hissed. “You don’t want to make an enemy of the Head of the Fairy Council.”

“I thought I already had,” I sneezed and looked at him busy, supposedly reading, but I could see that he was trying hard not to laugh.

“And what do you find amusing in the washing machine manual?” I asked him.

“Nothing,” he assured me. “I was just reading about the different wash loads, I don’t think I have any delicates, not as far as laundry goes.”

“There is a large mound of washing in your bedroom, you should bring it in here and divide it into wash loads,” I replied.

“But,” he said, the smile gone from his face.

“It is time to put some of that new found knowledge into practice,” I said, pointing the laser canon to the door.

“OK,” he said. “But it’s going to take forever to get through that lot.”

“It will take longer than forever if you don’t get to work and wash it,” I said. “Now get a shift on.”

“Whatever,” he muttered.

“He’s right,” said Enid.

“He’s exaggerating,” I replied.

“The consensus is that this job is taking far too long,” Enid replied.

“It is not a simple job,” I replied. “Of course things would be quicker if I had my wand, but that would just clean the place up, changing his attitude is what is taking time and a wand wouldn’t speed that up.”

“So what are you saying?” Enid asked.

“We need to change his mind,” I replied. “And unless you can think of something that would produce an epiphany then it is going to take time.”

“The Head of the Fairy Council is not going to be happy with that,” Enid replied.

“I know, but her wanting extra hands for the Christmas work isn’t going to change anything, unless,” I added.

“Unless what?” asked Enid sounding worried.

“You know the story of Scrooge?” I asked.

“The ghosts of Christmas past, present and yet to come?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said. “Some sort of variation on that.”

“I’m listening,” Enid said.

“Christmas past,” I said. “We need to find out something about his early memories of Christmas, something that changed his life or set it in the mould that it is in.”

“By we?” Enid asked.

“I can’t exactly ask him about that, can I, he’d be suspicious,” I replied.

“That’s true,” said Enid. “But who would know?”

“I was thinking the Head of the Fairy Council, after all, she gave me the job, she must know something about him,” I said.

“That is true, that is very true,” said Enid.

“Christmas present,” I continued. “We could whisk him forward in time to a Christmas party and he brings someone back to his flat, they take one look at it and walk out?”

“Bit hackneyed,” said Enid. “Anyway, once she saw the block of flats, she wouldn’t get out of her car to go up to the 15^th floor, he’d be lucky if she stopped long enough for him to get out of it with some level of dignity.”

“That’s true,” I sighed. “Do you have some suggestions.”

“I’m working on it,” said Enid. “The idea of the three ghosts is good, but maybe the Christmas theme is pushing things a bit.”

“It’s just that time of year,” I smiled.

“All the more reason to go down another line of thinking,” Enid replied.

“Such as?” I asked.

“I thought you were good with off the wall ideas,” said Enid.

“Usually,” I sighed. “But my head feels like it has been stuffed with grease and I can’t seem to focus it the way I normally do.”

“I’ll see what the Head of the Fairy Council has to say,” said Enid. “Meanwhile, keep thinking, you might come up with something,” she added and then faded away into nothing.

“So, did your friend come up with any ideas?” he asked.

“What?” I snapped. I hadn’t realised that he could see Enid or that he might be able to hear what we’d been talking about.

“Have you divided the washing into loads?” I asked pointing to the pile of mucky clothes in the middle of the kitchen.

“They all looked to be dark, so I put them in one pile,” he smiled.

“I can see woollies in that lot,” I snapped. “If you put them in with the ordinary wash, they’ll shrink.”

“Woollies?” he asked.

“Jumpers,” I said. “Also, you want bed linen and towels separate to the rest.”

“Why?” he asked.

“Perhaps it is the thought of unclean underwear in with towels, I don’t know, however, going by the smell of this lot, I would suggest you fish out the undies and socks to start off with and see how that fills the machine,” I replied.

“OK,” he said. “I shall separate out the smellies and we can see where we go from there.”

“It has to improve the odour of this place at the very least,” I replied.

“So what were you and your friend talking about?” he asked.

“The world, the universe and everything except for you,” I replied as I supervised the amount of powder and rinse aide he added to the machine. “How come you have so many socks?” I asked.

“Christmas presents, I always get socks for Christmas,” he sighed.

“From everyone?” I asked.

“Yes,” he replied. “That and boxer shorts.”

“I was wondering about those,” I said as a particularly vivid pair wandered across the font of the washing machine.

“Have you ever gone out and bought any yourself?” I asked.

“There has never been much point in it, I just have to last through till Christmas to get some more,” he smiled.

“Is that the same for all your clothes?” I asked.

“If you mean, do I buy any?” he asked.

“Yes,” I nodded.

“That’s what girlfriends and Mothers are for,” he laughed.

“That gives me an idea?” I thought. “Forget the Christmas theme, lets go with clothes.”

by Janice Nye © 2019