The Fairy Godmother Part 2

“Mixed,” said the head of the Fairy Council. “That’s one way of describing your work so far.” She was obviously not amused. Neither was I, one moment I was making a quick exit from some psychiatrists office because an angry three legged creature, which used to be something else, but I’m not quite sure what, was approaching as quickly as he could manage. Next, I’m standing in the office of the head of the Fairy Council being treated like some naughty school girl.

I tried smiling, couldn’t think of what to say, “How did I get here,” didn’t sound appropriate even to me.

“Have you nothing to say for yourself?” she snapped.

“I’m really not that sure what to say,” I said. “I’m doing my best.”

“What were you doing in that office?” she asked.

“I’m not really sure about that either,” I confessed. “I was busy collecting a few animals for the coach and horses.”

“Coach and horses?” she asked. “This would be your latest assignment?”

“Yes,” I agreed.

“I think you’d better start at the beginning,” she sighed, sitting down and pointing to a chair for me to sit upon. “You were sent to help Cindy Smith.”

“When I got there Cindy was standing in the middle of the kitchen,” I explained. “She was a mess, clothes all torn, looked like she’d tried to hold them together with safety pins, but it wasn’t working. Her make-up and hair were all over the place. The room was a mess, piles of mucky dishes on every surface and the mice had left because there was no food to be had. Which is why I was looking round for footmen, well mice to be turned into footmen.”

“Cindy isn’t that domesticated,” the Head Fairy agreed.

“There was an invite to some do on the peg board with her name and today’s date, so I assumed it was a Cinders revisited,” I started.

“You should never make assumptions,” the Head Fairy said.

“It was an easy mistake to make,” I tried to explain, but she was not amused.

“What did Cindy say?” the Head Fairy asked.

“She needed to get tea ready for her step Mother and her two daughters,” I replied.

“Did you sort it?” I was asked.

“I provided them with free tickets to an eat all you like do somewhere they’ve been wanting to go to for ages, when Cindy handed them over, they were out of the house quicker than it takes to say that,”

“That’s good,” the Head Fairy had to agree. “Did you stop there?”

“Well no, of course not, there was the invite on the peg board and no way was she ready for that,” I said.

“So what did you do?” the Head Fairy sighed. I got the feeling she wasn’t going to be happy with my reply, but.

“Well, I started by cleaning the kitchen, it’s hard to organise a good ball gown when you are in danger of getting food stains on it if she has a quick twirl,” I paused. “It was a bigger job than even I envisaged. I tried getting the standard washing things to start on the dishes themselves, as soon as the green scratchy thing and the tea towel came to life, they took one look at the assembled dishes and legged it out of the back door.”

“I’m surprised they didn’t leave years ago,” the Head Fairy admitted.

“The dishwasher, once I uncovered it, refused to open it’s door,” I sighed.

“Can you blame it?” she asked.

“So I tried a cleaning spell,” I assured her.

“About time,” the Head Fairy smiled.

“It took the pattern off the plates, but at least they were clean,” I said. “Then the cupboards needed cleaning before we could put them away.”

“That wouldn’t be that hard,” she said. “Would it?”

“There was already some stuff in the cupboards, well stuck to them,” I admitted. “Time was moving on by the time the kitchen looked acceptable.”

“I think clean is a bit optimistic, with that kitchen,” the Head Fairy agreed.

“Then there was the dress to sort, make-up, hair and transport,” I explained. “I transformed a stack of papers waiting for recycling into a ball gown, did her hair up in a bee hive and put the faintest hint of blusher and eyeshadow on.” I created an image fit for a film.

“Good, very good,” said the Head Fairy.

“I thought so, but Cindy didn’t,” I sighed. The Head Fairy raised an eye brow. “Not that sort of do.”

“Shouldn’t you have found that out fist?” the Head Fairy suggested.

“There was a lot to do,” I explained. “There wasn’t time for a lot of talking.”

“I told her she’d be fine and went to collect the things for her transport,” I explained. “I was busy recruiting cats and mice when I saw the perfect pumpkin just inside a supermarket, they weren’t too keen when I tried to organise the cats and mice to pick it up, so I could take it back to Cindy. I think that is when the pest control van arrived and the psychiatrist.”

“Were you certified?” she asked.

“Don’t think they’d got round to that, he was just asking questions when the three legged creature started coming up the stairs to the office,” I smiled.

“The three legged creature, you should at least know what it is you’ve turned someone into,” she said. “And I really don’t think Ian deserved it.”

“May-be not, but he was being a pest,” I said.

“That’s as may-be,” she said. “But you need to turn him back into what he was.”

“Human,” I said.

“I’ll take your word for that,” she sighed.

“Anything else?” I asked.

“You need to finish what you’ve started,” the Head Fairy replied.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Cindy!” she said. “You have left her without transport and in a totally unsuitable dress.”

“You said it was a nice gown,” I reminded her.

“Not for a punk do,” she said.

“So the coach and horses wouldn’t do either?” I asked.

“I’d better go with you to sort this out,” she said. “You have to move with the times.”

Cindy wasn’t looking too happy when we got back. The dress wasn’t looking too good either, she’d done a good job of dirtying it down and got the kitchen in a bit of a mess in the process.

“What kind of shit God Mother are you?” she shouted at me as soon as I walked in the door with the Head Fairy.

“I will not have that sort of language,” said the Head Fairy.

That’s when I was expecting a diatribe.

“There was only one vaguely rude word in that, I’ve heard worse at the local nursery,” the Head Fairy told her.

“Well,” she muttered, pointing to her dress, the tears welling up in her eyes. “I was just about ready to go and she turns up and.”

“Your clothes were ripped and filthy and you were looking round the kitchen like you didn’t know what the hell to do for best,” I reminded her.

“My boyfriend was about to come, on his motor bike and I planned on leaving this dump for good,” Cindy replied. “All I wanted was someone to get that bitch and her spawn out of the place whilst I made my get away.”

“Oh,” I said. “Well, they’re still out.”

“Much good that’s going to do me, my boyfriend took one look at me and the kitchen and left saying he’d come to the wrong house,” said Cindy, slumping down on the nearest chair, she’d managed to spill cooking oil on it and so went sliding off onto the floor.

I was beginning to think things couldn’t get any worse when the step-mother and her two daughters came back.

“I think this is where I put things on hold,” said the Head Fairy. “Now do you see where you went wrong?” she asked me.

“I should have listened to Cindy,” I said.

“By the was she prefers to be called Cin,” the Head Fairy said.

“What should I do?” I asked.

“I shall turn that rusty old bike into a sleek black motorbike, then turn that randy ginger mog into Cindy’s view of Prince Charming, return her clothes to what they were and leave them to head to the do,” the Head Fairy replied whisking her wand around the room.

The back door flew open and the cat/man stood there all in leather, Cindy left without a word and climbed onto the back of his motorbike.

The Head Fairy waved her wand again, the kitchen was spotless as the step-mother and her daughters walked in.

“Are you sure we’ve come to the right house?” asked the eldest of the sisters.

“Key fitted in the lock and the rest of the house looks right,” said the other sister.

“The lazy cow’s done what she’s been told to do for once,” said their Mother.

“Where is she?” asked the eldest sister.

“Who cares?” said their Mother. “I’m off to bed.”

“Time to go,” said the Head Fairy.

“I thought I’d get into trouble for changing the endings,” I said looking confused as we came back to the Head Fairy’s office.

“Cindy is happy, she’s off to the do, where she will meet someone who wont turn into a cat when the clock strikes twelve,” said the Head Fairy. “Her step-mother and her daughters will carry on as before till the money runs out or they run out of clean crockery.”

“And?” I asked. “It feels like there should be an and there.”

“And the three legged creature will wake up in the morning as Ian, but with one hell of a hangover and will assume that all the things he remembers are just the result of too much alcohol and maybe he wont want to kill you, slowly,” the Head Fairy replied.

“What happens now?” I asked.

“We give you another job and hope you don’t mess that up,” sighed the Head Fairy handing me an envelope. The room disappeared and I found myself sitting in a bus stop.

“Better see what’s in this,” I muttered opening the envelope.

By Janice Nye © 2019