The Fairy Godmother Part 100

 

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” Maud asked, looking rather perplexed.

“I know,” sighed Myrtle. “I was going to ask for fried mushrooms as soon as I got back here, but fried food, the smell at least, tends to bring back anything else I ate before. I will have them as soon as I can,” she added.

“Enid said you were pregnant,” said Maud.

“It isn’t really showing yet,” said Myrtle. “If you don’t count me dashing off to the toilet to throw up,” she added, putting a hand over her mouth and dashing off.

“Perhaps eating outside might be a better idea,” suggested Maud to James. “The smell of cooking does tend to hang around in here.”

“I think that might be a good idea,” said James. “I’ll wait till she comes back, she can get confused easily.”

“It is a bit of a side effect with fairies,” said Maud. “I think that is why some of them transfer their babies to others.”

“Myrtle is determined to carry this one all the way,” said James.

“Do you think that is a good idea?” asked Maud.

“If you’d asked me that, even a couple of months ago, I would have said yes, no doubt,” he said glancing at the bathroom door. “Seeing the effect it has had on her, I’m not so sure.”

“It isn’t easy watching someone you love go through this,” said Maud.

“I didn’t think I’d eaten that much carrot,” said Myrtle rejoining them.

“Maud suggested that we eat outside,” said James. “The cooking smells don’t go that far.”

“You find us a table and I’ll be with you shortly,” said Myrtle, putting her hand over her mouth and dashing back to the bathroom.

“So she wants poached egg, chips and chocolate custard?” asked Maud.

“With the little sprinkles on top,” said James.

“And what would you like?” she asked.

“The same, but without the custard,” he smiled.

“Or the sprinkles,” Maud added.

“No sprinkles,” James agreed.

“And to drink?” Maud asked.

“I would like a coffee,” said James. “But the smell will set her off again and I would like some food to stay down long enough to do some good.”

“So what will you have?” asked Maud.

“She tends to like mint tea,” said James. “Better make that two.”

“You go find a table,” said Maud. “We will have this lot brought out to you as soon as it’s ready.”

“Thank-you,” said James, glancing towards the door again.

“Don’t worry, it wont last much longer,” said Maud.

“That’s what my colleagues keep telling me,” said James. “It’s not so easy when it’s someone you love,” he added heading to the door.

“I don’t know who’s having it worst,” said one of the serving girls.

“This could be an only child,” said Maud.

“If Enid turns up,” said James pausing in the doorway. “Tell her where we are.”

“Are you sure?” asked Maud.

“Not entirely, but tell her anyway,” said James. “We can’t keep avoiding the family.”

“That’s brave of you,” Maud smiled.

“I can always throw up on them,” said Myrtle, stepping out of the bathroom, looking slightly brighter.

“Don’t even joke about it,” said James, dashing off to the bathroom.

“I thought I’d done enough for both of us,” said Myrtle.

“There’s a table in the sun, round the side of the building,” said Maud. “Nice view of the river.”

“I could do with a sit down,” said Myrtle.

“I’ll take you round there,” said the girl, taking Myrtle by the hand.

“Thank-you,” said Myrtle, smiling.

“Which do you think is best?” asked the girl. “Going through the pregnancy or giving the baby to someone else to incubate?”

“I wouldn’t be doing this if I thought it was better for someone else to incubate it, would I?” Myrtle smiled.

“I suppose not,” said the girl. “But so many opt out of all the birth stuff.”

“Probably because there is so little support for those who want to carry their own child, it is so much easier to opt out of the messy stuff and just pick up the baby afterwards,” said Myrtle. “I think it is a bit rough on those who have a baby dumped on them.”

“I thought the surrogate Mothers agreed to it,” said the girl stunned.

“Some people now are beginning to ask permission, but it is a recent idea. Usually the baby is just magicked into place with a baby that is due at about the same time and then they disappeared it off afterwards, pretending that there was only ever one baby,” said Myrtle.

“That is rough,” said the girl moving a seat out for Myrtle.

“Thank-you,” said Myrtle as the girl headed back in to find James and tell him where she was.

“It isn’t showing yet and you look rough,” said Enid.

“Nice to see you as well,” said Myrtle.

“How long have you been back?” asked Enid.

“We got back last night,” said Myrtle.

“That’s not so bad then,” said Enid.

“We’ve just got married,” said Myrtle. “I would have thought you’d know we’d need a bit of time together.”

“Seems to me you spent a bit too much time together before you got married,” said Enid.

“If you are only here to say “I told you so”, or something like that,” said Myrtle.

“No,” said Enid. “I wanted to make sure you were OK. I had terrible morning sickness with you.”

“Looks like that is something we have in common,” Myrtle sighed.

“I had hoped you wouldn’t inherit that,” sighed Enid. “It doesn’t help things.”

“I don’t suppose you have any suggestions on how to keep my food down?” asked Myrtle.

“I was given this lucky charm,” said Enid, taking a necklace off and handing it to Myrtle. “I didn’t think it would work, but I was never sick when I wore that.”

“If that’s the case,” said Myrtle. “Who am I to argue,” she added putting the necklace on.

“I wasn’t sure how you’d take it,” Enid smiled.

“I’m desperate,” said Myrtle. “I’ll try anything to keep my food down,” she added as James and the food arrived.

“Poached egg and chips for sir,” said the girl. Placing them on the table in front of an empty chair. “Poached egg, chips and chocolate custard, with sprinkles, for Madam.”

“I’m not surprised you are feeling sick,” said Enid. “Poached egg and chocolate custard!”

“You forgot the chips,” said Myrtle. “And the sprinkles.”

“How can you eat that!” Enid exclaimed.

“It tastes good to me,” smiled Myrtle.

“Can I get anything for you?” the girl asked Enid.

“No thank-you, I’m not staying,” said Enid, as Myrtle tucked into the chips. “My stomach is a bit off, I’ll talk with you later,” she added, waving her wand and disappearing.

“Are you OK?” asked James.

“Mum gave me her lucky charm to stop me being sick,” said Myrtle.

“Looks like it’s working,” he said watching her tuck in to her meal enthusiastically for the first time in what felt like ages.

By Janice Nye © 2021

The Fairy Godmother Part 99

“That’s the tenth time you have checked round the rooms in the last hour,” James sighed. “It isn’t as if there are many places for her to hide.

“I know you think I’m being paranoid,” said Myrtle, checking beneath the sofa before she sat down.

“No, I don’t,” said James, taking I quick look behind the sofa and wondering if it would look better pushed up against the wall. “I know that your Mother could turn up at any moment and it is spoiling our honeymoon.”

“Do you think I should tell her?” asked Myrtle.

“It’s either that or use some magic to block her,” he smiled.

“I’m not sure anything I know would do much more than slow her down and irritate her,” said Myrtle. “I could ask Ethel.”

“I would have thought telling your Mother might be an idea,” James suggested.

“I’ve tried telling her things before, she takes it personal and gets upset,” said Myrtle.

“She will take it personal if you try to block her coming to see you,” James reminded her.

“I’m on to a bit of a loose loose here aren’t I,” said Myrtle, fishing out her phone.

“Who are you ringing?” asked James.

“I thought I’d try Velvet,” said Myrtle. “She is my fathers second wife,” Myrtle explained when James looked a little perplexed.

“Velvet,” smiled Myrtle when her call was answered.

“I have been hearing some rumours about you getting married, your grandmother and is furious,” Velvet replied. “Tell me it isn’t true.”

“It is all true,” said Myrtle.

“Tell me all about it,” said Velvet.

“Mother told the family I was going to get married,” Myrtle started.

“I’d heard that,” said Velvet. “I presume there was a big family get together to decide about the wedding.”

“Yes,” said Myrtle. “Mother thought I would want to be there.”

“They wouldn’t like that,” laughed Velvet.

“They didn’t,” said Myrtle. “So I told them to plan what they wanted, I wouldn’t be going.”

“That’s right girl, it’s your wedding you should be the one who says what’s what,” Velvet agreed. “So what happened next?”

“James, Mother and I went off to the little church where she got married and got married,” said Myrtle. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“It would have been nice to have been there, but there are a lot who would say that,” said Velvet. “I’m just glad you have found someone, who by all accounts is a very nice person. Why are you ringing me? Aren’t you on your honeymoon?”

“We are on our honeymoon,” said Myrtle looking at James. “It’s just, Mother turned up.”

“She isn’t there now is she?” asked Velvet.

“Not now,” said Myrtle. “But she just doesn’t seem to understand that turning up unannounced, the way she did this morning, on someone’s honeymoon, isn’t right.”

“Not if she wants any grandchildren,” said Velvet. “Do you want me to tell her that.”

“A bit late for that,” Myrtle replied.

“You’re pregnant!” exclaimed Velvet.

“She knew before me, so embarrassing,” Myrtle explained.

“So you would like me to try and stop her popping in at any moment?” asked Velvet.

“If you would, I’d ask Ethel, but she’d only get annoyed with her,” Myrtle sighed.

“She’ll get annoyed with me as well,” said Velvet.

“She might not realise what you are doing,” said Myrtle. “And anyway, you are more than a match for Enid, Ethel sort of folds up and tells her everything she wants to know.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Velvet laughed. “And I will do my best to keep her busy.”

“Should I get Ethel to do something as well, in case she suspects something?” Myrtle asked.

“It might be a good idea, with luck she wont notice, but in your shoes I wouldn’t chance it,” Velvet replied hanging up the phone.

“Belt and braces idea?” asked James.

“That’s the thinking,” said Myrtle. “I’d use something else as well if I could think of it.”

“Ethel,” said Myrtle as soon as the phone was answered.

“Myrtle! I’m sorry, really sorry, but Enid threatened to send me somewhere where they don’t have any internet or computers with the idea that I could explain to them what it all is and all that without being able to show them it. It would have been a nightmare,” Ethel started, the words almost falling over each other in her haste to get them out.

“It’s OK,” said Myrtle. “I should have guessed she’d turn up.”

“I don’t know what to suggest to help,” said Ethel.

“You said you could blank the signal,” said Myrtle.

“She’d guess,” said Ethel. “And the first I’d know about it, I would be in the back of beyond with no internet to call for help.”

“Velvet is going to try and keep her away,” said Myrtle. “I just need to find a way to slow her down and give me a warning if she decides to drop in.”

“Her wand has been playing up a little lately,” said Ethel. “I said it could do with a service, but she said it would have to wait for a few weeks.”

“Could you put a fault on it?” asked Myrtle. “Nothing dangerous, just, pausing her mid-flight or something, you could tell her it needs more memory to stop it buffering.”

“I could do that,” said Ethel. “But she would need a courtesy wand whilst we had it and the only ones we have at the moment have a very limited range.”

“That sounds perfect,” said Myrtle. “If you could keep her wand till after we come back I would be eternally grateful. Tell her there’s been a problem with the supply chain, held up at customs, factory caught fire, something like that.”

“There was a factory caught fire the other day,” said Ethel.

“I hope no one was hurt,” said Myrtle.

“No, but all the chips were burnt,” said Ethel.

“Perfect, you can tell her it needs new chips and the chip factory burnt down,” said Myrtle.

“OK, as long as she doesn’t find out what sort of chips they were,” said Ethel.

“What sort where they?” asked Myrtle.

“Banana chips,” Ethel laughed. “When do you want me to do it?”

“Now,” said Myrtle. “If she finds out, tell her it was my fault. If you aren’t there when I get back, I’ll make her tell me where you are and bring you back myself.”

“Thank-you,” said Ethel hanging up.

“That sounded a bit like belt, braces and something else as well,” smiled James, putting the breakfast tray outside and hanging a do not disturb sign on the door handle.

“I can’t make any promises, but we should have a warning before she turns up,” said Myrtle. “And I could put a timed delay on the bedroom door.”

“Whatever it takes,” said James as she waved her wand.

By Janice Nye © 2021

The Fairy Godmother Pat 98

“Good morning sleepy head,” murmured James, stroking Myrtle’s hair.

“Morning?” Myrtle replied. “What time is it?”

“It doesn’t matter, it’s our honeymoon,” James smiled.

“Honeymoon,” muttered Myrtle. “Like that’s going to stop her,” she added, getting out of bed and grabbing her dressing gown.

“Stop who?” asked James.

“Mother,” Myrtle replied.

“And what is it that she’s likely to do? It isn’t as if she’d come here, it’s our honeymoon!” James smiled.

“That wouldn’t stop her, she wouldn’t think twice,” said Myrtle checking the mirror to make sure she looked decent.

“And how is she going to find us?” asked James. “Even I don’t know where we are.”

“It is always possible to trace a Fairy Godmother, if you know how,” said Myrtle.

“You asked Ethel not to tell her,” James reminded Myrtle.

“I know, but she’s terrified of Mother, she’d just have to ask and Ethel will tell her everything, right down to the room number,” said Myrtle.

“So what are you going to do?” asked James.

“I’ll look round the rooms and see if she’s here,” said Myrtle.

“Then I’d better get dressed and join you,” said James getting out of the bed.

“That would be a good idea,” stuttered Myrtle as he pulled his dressing gown on. Myrtle had one last look in the mirror to check that she was decent and one last check that James was as well and then she opened the door to the living room.

“I was beginning to wonder if I aught to wake you up,” said Enid. “Don’t want your breakfast to go cold.”

“Did Ethel tell you where we were?” asked Myrtle.

“She did try telling me some rubbish about you asking her not to tell me, but I said she must have got it wrong,” Enid smiled.

“It is our honeymoon,” Myrtle explained.

“I know, just the time when a young girl might want her mothers advice on something or other,” said Enid. “You really aught to start on your breakfast, especially in your condition.”

“If you don’t know what the advice would be about, how can you possibly provide it?” asked James, trying to remind Enid he was there.

“I couldn’t possibly say what advice, not with a man in the room,” Enid smiled.

“What do you mean, my condition?” asked Myrtle.

“Well, you’re eating for two now,” said Enid.

“How can you possibly tell,” said James. “There isn’t any test that can tell so soon after.”

“Perhaps not, but I am a fairy godmother and therefore I can tell,” Enid replied smugly.

“That’s rubbish, isn’t it?” James asked Myrtle.

“No,” said Myrtle. “And she’s right.”

“So, do you want to carry the baby or shall I find someone to carry it for you?” asked Enid.

“I will carry my own baby, just like you did,” said Myrtle.

“And afterwards?” asked Enid.

“I will look after my own baby,” said Myrtle. “I’m not dumping it in a home.”

“That’s all very well for you to say,” Enid replied, looking at James.

“I think we need to talk about our baby,” said James. “And by we, I mean Myrtle and I.”

“Don’t worry about me,” Enid smiled. “I wont interrupt.”

“No you wont interrupt, because you are leaving,” said Myrtle.

“But!” stuttered Enid.

“If you are here nothing will stop you putting your two pennyworth in, if we aren’t careful we wont get a word in sideways. So, I’m sorry Mother, but I will have to ask you to leave. We will let you know what we have decided to do later,” said Myrtle.

“I know when I’m not wanted,” said Enid, waving her wand.

“And no listening in,” shouted Myrtle.

“As if I’d do such a thing,” Enid’s voice echoed round the room.

“Can you really tell after such a short time?” asked James.

“Remember when we got rid of Mum for about an hour,” said Myrtle.

“I said we’d better make the most of our time,” James smiled.

“I think we made more of it than we thought,” smiled Myrtle, patting her stomach. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course not, as long as I am part of this,” he replied.

“What do you mean?” asked Myrtle.

“I want to be there for you, for the pregnancy, morning sickness, whatever. For the birth. You don’t mind giving birth do you?” James asked.

“When I said I wanted to carry my baby, our baby, I meant right through the birth and afterwards. I wont be handing our little one over to anyone one else to bring up,” said Myrtle.

“I’m glad to hear that,” said James. “And I want to be there with you, every step of the way.”

“Get the sick bucket, could you two be any more soppy,” said Enid appearing next to them. “The family aren’t going to think much of this. You’ve got married without telling them and now you are pregnant and want to carry the child and care for it. How are you going to carry on as a Godmother!”

“You managed,” said Myrtle.

“I couldn’t work, not once it started to show and once you were born, I had to find baby sitters, it just didn’t work,” said Enid. “That’s why I took you to the nursery. It was the worst day of my life.”

“We will make it work,” said James.

“And what can you do, give up working as a Doctor?” asked Enid.

“There are plenty of married couples who carry on working even when they have children,” said James. “We will find a way.”

“Exactly,” said Myrtle. “Times have changed, we will find a way. You could always help with a bit of baby sitting.”

“Baby sitting, what do you mean by baby sitting?” asked Enid.

“Just looking after the baby for an afternoon or a day or something,” said Myrtle. “We’ll make sure that you know what to do.”

“I have looked after a baby before,” snapped Enid.

“How long for?” asked James.

“Nearly a month,” said Enid. “Well, eleven days and nights.”

“You can catch up with all the things you missed out on with me,” said Myrtle. “Secure in the knowledge that at the end of the day you can hand baby back to me.”

“I think that could be do able,” said Enid.

“You could talk to Velvet about it,” Myrtle suggested.

“She does know a thing or two about bringing up children and pregnancy,” said Enid. “You might be well advised to talk to her yourself.”

“I’ll do that, after the honeymoon,” said Myrtle.

“Don’t you want to go now?” asked Enid. “There is no time like the present.”

“I think, I want to spend time with my husband,” said Myrtle. “I can talk to Velvet after the honeymoon is over.”

“As you wish,” said Enid.

“That doesn’t mean that you can’t talk to her now,” suggested James.

“Yes, well, if you don’t mind?” Enid asked.

“No,” Myrtle and James said together.

“I’m sure we will have plenty to talk about,” said Enid. “I’ll tell you about it all later.”

“When we’ve come back from out honeymoon,” said Myrtle.

“Something like that,” said Enid vanishing with a swish of her wand.

“Do you think she’ll stay away?” asked James.

“I’ve texted Velvet to tell her,” smiled Myrtle. “She’ll keep Mum busy.”

“Then perhaps we aught to finish this breakfast off and then, you will need to rest a bit,” said James.

“Sounds like a good idea,” said Myrtle.

A few tourist leaflets floated down to a small table next to the sofa.

“I wouldn’t want to think of you getting board,” came Enid’s voice.

“I don’t think we are going to do that,” said Myrtle.

By Janice Nye © 2021

The Fairy Godmother Part 97

 

“That didn’t take long,” said James when she appeared in her rooms.

“They thought my presence was unnecessary as well,” said Myrtle.

“So you left?” asked James.

“I told them that I would send the dress back and that I wouldn’t go to whatever they plan this wedding to be. Basically, it isn’t my wedding,” said Myrtle.

“So what do we do now?” asked James.

“We sort it for ourselves,” said Myrtle.

“That bunch of old fools,” muttered Enid as she appeared in Myrtle’s rooms.

“I thought you wanted me to take their advice,” said Myrtle.

“I’d forgotten what they were like,” said Enid. “Listening to them reminded me why I got married and then told them about it.”

“And why was that?” Myrtle asked.

“I’d seen the preparations for Lily’s wedding,” Enid sighed. “Did I ever show you the photos?”

“No,” said Myrtle. “I didn’t know she was married.”

“I’ve got them here,” Enid said, pulling a small sphere out of her pocket, she placed it on the table and it opened out into a hologram. There was a white chapel with an enormous spire that looked as though it was reaching up to the sky. A white carriage drawn by six white horses pulled up in front of the chapel and a man got out, Myrtle’s grandfather, he held his hand up to help someone get out of the carriage. A young woman in a voluminous white lacy dress, it was nipped in to an impossibly thin waist and stopped short of the shoulders.

“Put your veil forward,” her Father told her, trying to help her adjust the yards of lace till it cascaded over her face almost down to the ground.

“Why do I have to do this?” she asked.

“It is the done thing when you get married, you put the veil over your face and the vicar lifts it up in preparation for you to get married,” he explained.

“That wasn’t what I meant,” she said. “Why do I have to get married.”

“Your Mother said it was time,” he explained. “It isn’t anything to do with me.”

“But,” she sighed as he pulled her towards the chapel. “I don’t know anything about him. I don’t even know his name.”

“Neither do I,” said her Father. “Is it important?”

“You expect me to marry him!” she stuttered. “It could be anyone in that chapel.”

“I don’t think so,” he said. “At least half of the people in there are women and then there’s the vicar and the choir. He wont be one of those. He’ll be standing at the front, on the right-hand side of the chapel looking worried and his best man will be standing next to him holding the rings.”

“Thanks!” she said as the arrived at the open door of the chapel.

“Now you know what to do?” he asked.

“I’ve a good mind to say No,” she muttered.

“Your Mother wouldn’t be very happy with you if you did,” he said. “And that would be nothing compared with what the rest of the family would say, the women at any rate.”

“And what would the men say?” Lily asked.

“They would say what they were told to say, as always,” he smiled.

The door opened and the wedding proceeded. Myrtle and James watched it in silence, an hour later they watched as the bride and groom were driven to the wedding breakfast in the coach that had brought the bride to the chapel.

“Is that the sort of wedding that they would plan?” Myrtle asked slowly.

“That’s the short version, Lily got off lightly, the wedding service is usually at least two hours. The wedding breakfast is another five hours,” said Enid. “Do you want to see the wedding breakfast, it was most impressive, I think there were five courses and the cake stood ten feet tall.”

“I think we’ve seen enough,” said James.

“No way am I going for that sort of thing,” said Myrtle. “Five courses, it would bankrupt Maud.”

“So what sort of wedding would you go for?” asked Enid.

“Tell us about your wedding?” James said. “I am assuming it was less fussy than Lily’s.”

“It was a small chapel, in the hills,” said Enid smiling. “It was winter, but that wasn’t a problem for us. We had the vicar, us and a couple of the church lady’s who did the cleaning, they stood in as witnesses.”

“Didn’t they ask about the lack of congregation?” Myrtle asked.

“It was the weather, that was what we told them, hard for them to get out of town,” she smiled. “But they sent there best wishes.”

“Sounds perfect,” said Myrtle.

“I’m not sure about lying about why there is no congregation,” said James.

“Well, we could try telling them the truth,” said Myrtle.

“Which is?” he asked.

“My family are taking over all the wedding preparations and it sounds like we’ll be lucky if we get an invite to the thing,” laughed Myrtle.

“I know where the church is,” said Enid. “I could come with you to talk to the Vicar, not that it will be the same one of course, but I am your Mother and it might help your case if I were there to support you.”

“So when should we do this?” asked James.

“No time like the present,” said Enid giving her wand a quick wave.

“Good morning,” said the Vicar, looking up from writing his sermon to find three people looking at him.

“Good morning,” said Enid smiling.

“How may I help you?” the Vicar asked, looking round and wondering how they had got past his Housekeeper.

“My daughter and her fiancée wish to get married,” Enid smiled.

“That is so good to hear,” said the Vicar. “Can I be of assistance.”

“We were wondering if you could marry them in the chapel,” said Enid. “It is such a beautiful chapel, I was married there myself, quiet a few years ago.”

“I’m new to the parish, so it was probably before my time, but I would be delighted to carry out the service,” he said. “There are a few things that we would need to sort out first, starting off with a marriage licence.”

“Of course,” said Enid, pulling a document out of her handbag.

“That looks to be in order,” the Vicar smiled. “Do you have any thoughts on when you would like to have the wedding?”

“We were wondering about today?” James suggested.

“Don’t you want family and friends around to celebrate?” the Vicar asked.

“We did,” said Myrtle. “But they were taking over the planning, in fact, they made it clear that my fiancée wasn’t welcome and I was only tolerated if I agreed with everything they said.”

“You didn’t like what they were planning?” he said.

“No,” said James and Myrtle together.

“We think that a wedding is more than just a ten foot wedding cake, it is about the couple living and working together as a team, united in their love,” said Myrtle.

“Then I think now is a good time for your wedding,” smiled the Vicar. “Would you like to follow me to the church?”

“Thank-you,” said James, Myrtle and Enid.

“The Lady’s who do the flowers will be there,” he said. “I’m sure they would be more than happy to make up a bridal bouquet and to stand as witnesses. Sorry about the buckets, we have a little problem with the roof, I have preyed to the Almighty, but as yet we still need the buckets to catch the drips,” he added as a cloud came over and the rain began.

“Nothing could possible put a damper on today,” said Myrtle as they walked into the chapel to the sound of water dripping into over ten metal buckets.

“Can we do something,” Myrtle muttered to Enid.

“I’ll sort it,” said Enid, giving her wand a quick twitch. The dripping stopped, but the rain continued.

“Ladies,” the Vicar called.

“We’ve nearly finished the flowers, your reverence,” said one slightly harassed looking Lady. “We’ve done the best we could, but they were rather a sad collection,” she added pointing to a handful of vases on a table and a couple more Ladies standing next to them. Myrtle gave a quick twitch of her wand and the flowers started to pick up.

“This young couple want to get married and the brides Mother suggested they come to the church where she was married,” said the Vicar.

“Enid,” said one of the Ladies. “I remember my Mother telling me about it.”

“Then I would be honoured if you would be a witnesses to my daughters wedding,” Enid smiled.

“I would be delighted,” said the Lady, handing over a few of the left over flowers from the table to Myrtle and suddenly they became the most beautiful bridal bouquet that had ever been. Myrtle’s dress became white and shimmering.

“The perfect bride,” said James smiling at her as they walked down the aisle together.

“Who do I throw the bouquet to,” thought Myrtle as they left the chapel, husband and wife.

“There’s my granddaughter come to take me home,” said one of the old Ladies. “She’s such a good girl, she thinks about her old Nana when it rains.”

“Catch,” said Myrtle, throwing the flowers to the started girl, she caught them before she’d realised what was happening.

“Perhaps the old chapel will see another wedding,” smiled the Vicar. “And without the sound of dripping, it seems to have stopped, praise be to God.”

“Will you marry me,” said a young man looking at the girl holding the flowers.

“Of course,” she smiled. “I’ve been wondering when you’d ask.”

By Janice Nye © 2021

For anyone who remembers the  "User Hostile" blogs, they have been edited and are now a book available from Lulu.   This is a photo of some that I have had sent to me just in case someone would like a signed copy.

The Fairy Godmother Part 88

You would think that it would just require a wave of the wand and I’d be in the hospital, after all, I just have to do that to get anywhere, but it doesn’t work that way. I think that a few years back there were a lot of people sent to the hospital, via a wand, and they collided, some people ended up with the wrong body parts, some were missing a few important bits, heads, that sort of thing. I don’t think they ever worked out how many had been sent there, all I do know is that only half a dozen had all their own bits and five of them were dead before they were sent, since then it has been forbidden. Hence Enid ringing for an ambulance, unfortunately they haven’t got it properly organised yet, which is why I was coming round when they arrived.

“What happened?” the ambulance man asked.

“I don’t know,” I told them. “I went to bed and woke up lying here on the floor and every time I try to get up everything goes dark again.”

“Who rang for us?” he asked.

“I did,” snapped Enid. “I was checking up on my daughter and I found her like this.”

“Did you hear anything?” he asked.

“Of course not, I was fifty miles away,” snapped Enid.

“And you came to check up on her?” he asked.

“I thought there was something wrong, I was worried about her and rightly so,” said Enid.

“Shouldn’t you be checking me to make sure I’m OK or taking me to the hospital or something?” I asked, feeling a bit left out of the discussion.

“We are just trying to find out how you ended up down there,” the ambulance man replied. “Assuming, that is, that you don’t normally sleep on the floor.”

“If I did there would be no purpose to me having a bed,” I said.

“Nor would I have rung you,” Enid added.

“The pool of blood under the patients head is growing,” said the paramedic.

“I was wondering when someone was going to notice that,” said the ambulance man.

“Would someone kindly do something about it,” I said and then things went dark again. Next thing I remember I was waking up in a hospital bed with a splitting headache.

“You’re awake,” said Enid, pressing a button on the bedside cabinet.

“I think so,” I replied with a wince.

“You are so useless,” snapped Enid. “I would have thought even you would be able to tell if you were awake!”

“I hope I wouldn’t dream a headache this bad,” I replied wincing as I tried to sit up.

“How many times must I tell you not to move,” snapped Enid, pressing the button again. “They said if you wake up to press this, what’s the point if they don’t respond.”

“What do you mean if?” I asked.

“You have been like this for six weeks,” she said looking at her watch.

“Have you been here all that time?” I asked.

“Of course not, I’ve got to sleep, we, your family and friends, set up a rota, it’s just chance that I was here now,” Enid said, but the bags under her eyes told a different story.

“Ah, so the sleeping beauty has woken up at last,” said a cheerful looking man in a white coat with a stethoscope draped round his neck.

“I was debating that with my Mother,” I replied.

“And how do we feel?” he asked.

“Well, Mum looks like she hast slept for ages, I have a splitting headache and I’m assuming you can speak for yourself,” I replied, trying to take account of all the people in the room.

“So you are the comedian of the family,” he replied, his face fell slightly as Mum rushed out of the room sobbing.

“I think Enid may be a bit over tired,” said a nurse, whom I hadn’t noticed. “She has been at Myrtle’s side since she was brought in six weeks ago.”

“I don’t know why she would be upset, being awake is a good sign,” he said. “Could you get her something for her headache nurse?”

“Yes Doctor,” the nurse replied.

“So, how are you feeling?” he asked me.

“I have a headache,” I replied.

“And apart from that?” he asked.

“I’d like to know why I am here,” I said, trying to get my thoughts together.

“You have had a rather nasty blow to the head and going by the test results, you have been eating the wrong type of mushrooms,” he said. “Do you remember when you last ate mushrooms?”

“I had a fried mushroom sandwich just before I went to bed,” I replied.

“Is that all?” he asked.

“And a mug of hot chocolate,” I added.

“There was no evidence of anything having been cooked,” said a strange voice.

“Who are you?” I asked.

“I am the person in charge of finding out what happened to you,” he said. “If you could tell me what happened, in the right order,” he said pulling a notebook out of his pocket.

“I was hungry, so I looked through the cupboards to see what I could find, in the way of food,” I said.

“And that is when you found the mushrooms and decided to fry them?” he asked.

“No,” I replied. “That is when I found that there was no food in the flat.”

“So where did the mushrooms come from?” he asked.

“They appeared, as a hot fired mushroom sandwich, on a plate, on the work surface with a message from Maud,” I replied.

“Maud?” he asked.

“She runs the canteen,” I replied.

“And she has a habit of sending you hot fried mushroom sandwiches?” he asked.

“No, but she is a kind person and she knows that I have been working hard lately,” I replied.

“So it didn’t come as a surprise to find this sandwich appearing?” he asked.

“Not at the time,” I replied.

“But now?” he asked.

“Now I think back, she would have delivered it herself, not just sent it,” I replied.

“So who do you think sent it?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I replied. “But I think I know someone who could find out.”

“Ethel?” said Enid, returning to my bedside.

“And who are you?” asked the investigator.

“I am her Mother,” Enid replied in her most imperial of manor.

“I see,” he replied. “And your name is?”

“Enid,” she snapped.

“We have had our best tech people trying to find out about everything coming in and our of your rooms and found out nothing,” he said. “I don’t think this Ethel will be able to find out anything that we can’t.”

“Ethel works in the office of the Fairy Godmother,” I explained. “She knows all about the techie stuff that we use and if anyone can trace how that mushroom sandwich and mug of hot chocolate got there and where it came from, it would be her.”

“We have the best tech people working for us,” he blustered.

“Mum, will you go and ask Ethel?” I asked Enid.

“Of course,” Enid replied. “Take care, I wont be long,” she added walking out of the room and out of the building,so that she could clear the wand deadening field.

“I don’t think that is going to be much help,” the investigator replied.

“I think we should judge that when we get the results back,” I replied, resting my head back on the pillows.

“I think the patient is tired,” said the Doctor.

“I only have a few more questions,” the investigator replied.

“Could you tell the Easter bunny that I will sort out the Easter egg supply tomorrow, I’m feeling a little bit woozy and he won’t listen to me,” I said to the Doctor, I’ll explain it all to the Easter bunny later, he’s very understanding, I’m sure he’ll understand.

“No more questions,” said the Doctor firmly. “I don’t think you’d get any sensible answers from her anyway.”

“I shall be back later,” said the investigator. “Could you let me know if her Mother or Ethel turn up, I would like to speak to them as well.”

“Of course,” said the Doctor, guiding him out of the room.

By Janice Nye © 2020

The Fairy Godmother Part 87

My rooms were quiet, once everyone was gone and I liked it that way. I wondered round trying to find something to clean and or tidy, but there wasn’t anything. I decided to make a mess of the kitchen by cooking myself something for tea. There was no food in the larder, probably something to do with me not doing the shopping.

“Looks like it’s going to be the canteen for me then,” I thought, yawning loudly. A fried mushroom sandwich appeared on the counter, still steaming, along with a message.

“I heard that thought and the yawn, eat this and have a rest, Maud.”

“Thank-you,” I thought as loudly as I could and sat down to eat it. I was just trying to work out what to drink when a mug of hot chocolate appeared.

“You read my mind,” I thought, yawning. The plate and mug vanished as soon as I had finished and I went off to my bedroom with the thought that I would wake up to a nice clean and tidy kitchen which required restocking with food.

I climbed into bed and closed my eyes and suddenly I was at a fair ground, except all the rides were run by clowns who were carrying large bunches of balloons.

“You should have a go on this ride,” a clown insisted, pushing me into the seat and fastening me securely in place. I was just about to protest when the ride started. I thought it was one where you travelled round in a circle and the seat went up and down getting faster as you went, but this one seemed to wander round the fairground weaving in and out of the other rides as it went, then it twisted and I fell off, landing in a large net full of balls.

“This is strictly for children under the height of five foot tall,” said the clown dragging me out of the net by my hair.

“I am four foot nine,” I said, trying to disentangle my hair from his grip.

“But you are over 12 years old,” he said flinging me away from the net full of balls. I landed in a large tea cup.

“I would advise you to get out of that quickly,” said someone who looked like the mad hatter from “Alice in Wonderland”. “The tea is brewing and we will be pouring it out shortly. It would be a shame for that pretty white dress to be covered with tea stains,” he smiled as a leapt out of the cup. I would have waved my wand, but I couldn’t find it, some things are never there when you want them. I was slightly disappointed when he didn’t pour tea into the mug that I had climbed out of, instead he poured it into a rather nice tea set.

“Would you like a cup?” he asked

“Yes, that would be nice,” I said. He handed me an empty cup.

“What about the tea?” I asked. He emptied the teapot over my head, laughed and ran off, fortunately the tea was cold, I suspected that it had never been even warm. I threw the tea cup after him, with little expectation of actually hitting, but it made contact with his head and he stopped dead and fell flat on his face. All the clowns around me turned round to face me.

“You’ve killed him,” they all said, not bothering to take into account the fact that the mad hatter had just rolled over onto his side, picked up the tea cup and started eating it.

“He isn’t dead,” I said pointing to him. He finished the tea cup, leapt up, put a Police helmet on his head, pulled a pair of handcuffs out of his pocket, grabbed my right wrist, turned me round and cuffed my hands behind my back.

“You are under arrest,” he said.

“Shouldn’t you caution me?” I asked.

“Look where you are walking, there are some nasty holes in the ground,” he laughed as I fell through one and started plummeting through the sky in a landscape that looked like a picture from a children’s book all block pastel colours.

“This has to be a dream,” I told myself as a wrestled with the handcuffs.

“You should think the cuffs large and you small,” came a voice from nowhere. I did and the cuffs fell off, I flapped my wings and missed the ground by a matter of inches.

“You are a fairy, these things shouldn’t be a problem,” said the voice.

“What the hell is going on?” I thought.

“Now now, Fairies shouldn’t use language like that,” the voice replied laughing.

“Who are you, where are we and why don’t you show yourself?” I asked.

“You are a fairy godmother, you should have all the answers, why don’t you tell me,” came the reply.

“What makes you think that I have all the answers, just because I am a fairy godmother?” I asked, settling myself on a lollipop shaped tree.

“How can you provide the solutions if you don’t have the answers?” the voice replied. I was about to say that it was rude to answer a question with a question, when it crossed my mind that it wouldn’t get us anywhere.

“I know the questions, if you know the right questions then you will get the right answers and that will solve the problem,” I replied.

“Do you have all the questions?” the voice asked.

“I doubt if anyone does, but hopefully I have enough questions to start unravelling the problem,” I replied. “So, where am I and who are you?”

“Like I said, find out and I’ll tell you,” said the voice laughing, then I heard a door shut and the laughter was cut off as if the laughing person had gone through a door and it had shut behind them.

“I shall follow that road and see where it leads to,” I thought spying a road that lead into the distance. “After all, I am going to get nowhere sitting up this tree, it isn’t even comfortable.”

The light from the sun, shinning through my bedroom window, woke me up. I was lying on the floor next to my bed. I tried to stand up, but my head started throbbing.

“You just stay right where you are,” said Enid. “I’ve rung for an ambulance, they say you shouldn’t move, there’s a nasty cut on your head and they don’t want to risk you moving in case you have injured your back.”

“What happened?” I asked, trying to work out how to ask what she was doing there without sounding ungrateful.

“I don’t know,” said Enid. “Maud asked me to drop by to check up on you, you haven’t done any shopping lately, she thought you might be low on food.”

“She sent me a fried mushroom sandwich last night and some hot chocolate,” I said.

“Maud my be good, kind and considerate,” said Enid, looking like she was going to be sick. “But she does not do deliveries to anyone, not like that. She might take food to someone, but she wont send it unannounced.”

“She did yesterday,” I insisted.

“So where is the plate and mug?” Enid asked.

“They vanished, when I finished,” I replied and winced at the sound of someone hammering on my door.

“That will be the ambulance people,” said Enid. “You stay here, I’ll let them in.”

“Do I get any choice with that?” I thought as the world went dark.

By Janice Nye © 2020